Confidence is widely viewed as an important trait in all human life, and children are no exception.
We're not talking about a child who constantly expects to be the centre of attention, but a confident kid who has a strong sense of his or her own self worth, a child who knows their own strengths and weaknesses; a child who will become an adult who can cope with life's adversities with calm confidence.
And here is how to raise one!
1. Don't give empty praise
"If you’re keen to build your child’s confidence, there can be a tendency to pile on the praise but the risk of doing this is it becomes hollow and meaningless," advises parenting expert Liat Hughes Joshi, author of New Old Fashioned Parenting. "So praise them, but do keep it measured enough that it retains its power. " Aim to praise specific efforts descriptively, rather than your child's simple act of existing.
2. Encourage your child to have a try
"One of the biggest and most powerful confidence boosters is when a child thinks they can’t do something but gives it a go and realises they can. It could be something as simple as a cautious child needing encouragement to go down the super-big slide rather than the small one, or an older one going up on the stage at school and singing a song in assembly," says Liat. "When this has happened once, you can then remind them next time their confidence is having a wobble that they managed last time."
3. Social skills are important
"Teaching your child how to greet people, hold eye contact, make conversation without hijacking it will all help build your child's confidence," says Noel Janis-Norton, parenting educator and author of Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting.
Spending time around adults, being brought into the conversation and listening, is also important for a child's growing self-confidence.
4. Praise effort more than achievement
"Effort is in your child's control but achievement isn't always," says clinical psychologist Linda Blair, author of The Happy Child: Everything You Need to Know to Raise Enthusiastic, Happy Children. Your football-mad child may not be chosen for the first team, but that doesn't have to knock their confidence in the long term - they can still enjoy playing, keep practising and perhaps be picked next season.
If your child is simply doing what's expected, a simple thank you is sufficient. If you're praising your six-year-old child for putting his shoes and coat on, they are going to end up ignoring you, treating praise as background noise and not trusting your judgement.
5. Remember, it's OK to fail
Children need to know that it is normal to feel sad, anxious, disappointed. But what matters is what you do afterwards and know these obstacles don't define you as a person. "Remember you're their role model so how you express disappointment and how you show you overcame setbacks is important," says Linda. "Tell your child, 'You never learn less' and that whatever happens, everything is a valuable experience."
6. Don't mollycoddle your child
Children learn and increase in confidence by overcoming obstacles - not by parents removing them. Allow your toddler to make a mess painting, encourage your young child to climb that tree, trust your teenager to commit to that time coming home. If your child is having issues at school with friendship groups, talk to them about how they are feeling, what other children might be thinking and feeling but let them resolve the situation.
7. Get your child to help
From laying the table to cooking a whole meal, children gain a sense of pride and grow in confidence by taking an active part in family life and having a useful role.
8. Encourage your child's interests and hobbies
Kids who have a passion will feel proud of their expertise and want to demonstrate it, whether it's cooking, playing football or knowing everything there is to know about dinosaurs.
But equally, if your child lacks confidence in a particular skill, it's up to you as parents to help them improve that skill, not simply concentrate on what they can do easily. Your child might play the piano beautifully but find maths tricky. If you spend time encouraging them to tackle what they find difficult and not to give up, their confidence will increase.
9. Give your child choices
A child who is allowed to make decisions gains confidence in their own judgement. Obviously make it clear what's not up for debate, but when possible, offer choices.
10. Give your child one-to-one attention - but also time alone
“It's important to spend relaxing time with your child, without any hidden learning agenda, just having fun and playing,' says Keith Harvey, a spokesperson for Place2Be, the children's mental health charity which aims to help children grow up with prospects rather than problems. Listen, chat, show that you value your child and are interested in their thoughts, emotions and experiences.
But also give your child true down-time, space to daydream or play by themselves. A child who is used to entertaining themselves will encounter little problems, but left to their own devices, they will learn to persevere or to try a different way. Ultimately, the child becomes confident in their own ability to sort out a problem - not get upset and run for help at the first opportunity.