Even in the healthiest, happiest relationships, conflict can bring out the ugliest and most defensive sides of ourselves.
In these moments, many of us say things that we don’t mean, or don’t present how we’re feeling properly, leaving our partners feeling wounded and us feeling unheard.
Often, these moments are resolved and apologies are shared, enabling the couple to move on.
However, according to one expert, psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D, there is one phrase that’s particularly harmful to hear and many people will struggle to move on from it, even if everything seems fine.
The one phrase you should never say in an argument
According to Bernstein, one surefire way to break your partner’s heart is to say “I don’t care”.
Writing for Psychology Today, the psychologist said: “The phrase “I don’t care” dismisses the other person’s emotions and implies their concerns or feelings are unimportant.
“It’s a conversation stopper that can leave your partner feeling invalidated and disconnected. But with awareness and better communication habits, you can avoid falling into this harmful pattern.”
Instead of snapping back with this, Bernstein recommends that you pause, reflect, and consider how you can communicate to repair the connection to your partner rather than drive a wedge between the two of you.
How to calm down during an argument with your partner
Calming down in the moment may sound difficult — and it is — but that second of pause could reduce the chance of hurting your partner.
Speaking to Psych Central, Brian Wind, a clinical psychologist and adjunct professor at Vanderbilt University residing in Murfreesboro, Tennessee said: “Ask yourself how you want to phrase what you’re going to say.
“This slows down the pace, helps you calm down, and makes you more likely to be heard.”
Chances are, you do care and avoiding saying the opposite is essential.