So I got a call to say my op had been postponed by a few days. At first I was a bit bummed out. I'd kind of been psyching myself up for D-day, or should that be C-Day?! But after a moments reflection and a little glance down at Lefty a big smile spread across my face. Me and Lefty were living on borrowed time. This was good news.
It's like when the governor runs in to save the guy on death row about to get the lethal injection - "Noooooo George, wait! Lefty ain't going down today... no sir"
Anyway, so there we were, me and Lefty. On borrowed time. Exciting. Maybe we could flee the country and just carry on for ever, Lefty and I, adventures all over the world, maybe we could head to Rio and be in the carnival - big sparkly nipples all round, glorious! But no, that's not really very practical and I'm pretty sure wherever we went that dam C-Monkey would show his face. Suncream and sombrero in hand, waving merrily at us... he really is such an annoying little C.
So, three days. That's all I had. Just three more days of my body, just the way it is. That was quite a sobering thought. So I set about making a plan, a master plan to fill those three days with fun, laughter, a tiny bit of sadness (okay, okay maybe a lot of sadness, because stupid C-Monkey seems to insist on in at every turn!), some nice girly stuff and then, then we'd have ourselves a big old send off for Lefty with the official - Bye, Bye Boobie party!
But more on that later.
In a nutshell here's what we did:
1. Dinner/drinks/coffee and chats with numerous amazing, gorgeous and loving friends, colleagues and family - who continue to prop me up and make sure I'm not in a crumpled heap on the floor crying over my favourite bra. They love Lefty just as much as me and their words, hugs, tears, chats, giggles and love are keeping me strong.
2. Some pampering - obviously this was essential, who's to say this whole C thing isn't some kind of really elaborate (if slightly mean) plan for me to meet Mr Zomesert Boy! Of course he doesn't has to be from Zomerset and I'd rather he was a man than a boy but that's by the by.
Maybe he'll be a dashing doctor, or nurse (cute), or maybe he'll be the person who tattoos my new nipple on - oooh errr hows that for a "so how did you two meet" story! Anyway pampering done, my hair is now as glossy and shiny as a little pony and my nails look pretty so I'm good to go.
3. Admin, or rather cancer admin. No one ever warns you about this but there is a whole lot of admin that comes with cancer. Seriously it's like a second job, my to-do list is massive. It goes something like this - Number 1. Say thank you to everyone for all their lovely messages. Of course this is absolutely crucial, but it's sort of like the 'thank you' cards you always mean to send out after your birthday or Christmas or something. But I'm doing them, if you haven't got yours yet it's coming, it's coming I promise - and thank you!! Number 2. Return the phone calls / text messages - There is a constant stream of calls with nurses or the health care people about general C-Monkey stuff. Of course again I know this is critical stuff and needs to be done. it's just I've only got three days with Lefty, we want to be out running across London Sans Bra, bouncing freely in the wind, showing the world how glorious he is - not stuck on the phone....
4. Panicking. Okay so time to admit I'm bloody terrified. Three days to appreciate Lefty also means three more days to slightly loose my mind over what it's going to be like, you know.... when they take him. The lack of sleep is still also a bit of a pain. Pretty sure I have lost a few of my marbles now, C-Monkey has them, he likes to play with them. I'm hoping he chokes on one. So I try to take my mind off the lack of sleep with other stuff, like this rambling nonsense and planning the Bye Bye Boobie Party.
In hindsight I probably could have done more with Lefty, maybe taken it to see some sights, shown him off in some seriously sexy bras or tried my first ever nipple tassel, maybe I could have slept with as many men as possible to show it off one more time (note to self, this isn't really possible when you're a crying, mascara stained mess, blabbing on about 'old Lefty' - not really a turn on, no, not so much), maybe I could have had my breasts cast in bronze, oh now that would have been awesome! But no, we just did normal stuff and now the day is nearly here.
But the Bye Bye Boobie Party is giving me something to be a little excited by. The night before the op was always going to be horrible, fucking horrible actually, but now I get to spend it with my lovely friends and family laughing, eating, drinking (yes I can, I checked, I can go crazy until midnight, then I turn into a cancer pumpkin - boo!), talking about boobs and generally trying to keep me "perky" until morning. Sorry couldn't resist that one. I'm even making boob shaped cookies - okay I know, that's a little weird but as explained above, C-Monkey has my marbles now and I'm pretty sure the boobie shaped cookies were his idea!
But then after the party, and the buckets of wine and cookies, that's it. Time will have officially run out and Lefty will be gone. Forever. And everything after that will always be, different. I was about to embark on what would be a very hard, very painful, heartbreaking journey.
Terrified doesn't even come close.