Picture the scene; it's Friday night, the girls and I have got our dancing shoes on but the question we perpetually ask each other is 'where shall we go?' and it's always met with shrugged shoulders.
We are on an ongoing mission to find the perfect London disco and I'm not sure it exists. 'Disco' is probably not the right word - we don't go out in sparkly hotpants, doing the hustle - but you know what I mean.
We want a stylish, fun bar where you can dance without sticking to the beery floor or getting flicked by someone else's sweat. Somewhere that welcomes you in without checking your footwear or sending you into your overdraft. That plays proper dance-floor fillers without it feeling like a wedding reception or sounding like the musical equivalent of hoovering.
It seemed an impossible task but then we found out about Love Machine, a club night at Concrete on Shoreditch High Street.
It sounded hopeful. For a start it was named after a Girls Aloud song. The flyer promised sweets, and songs from Gaga, Katy Perry and more. It seemed like the answer to our pop prayers.
Unfortunately it didn't quite live up to expectations. The music was great, especially a Destiny's Child medley, which gave me an opportunity to showcase my Beyonce booty move. However, the venue and atmosphere let it down. Concrete by name, concrete by design. It looked like a car park, complete with uneven floor (not great for heels, dancing, walking). And there were no sweets. Manage expectations, Love Machine.
It was a bit empty on the evening we went and there was an unfortunate student quality to the night, with drinks - sadly not at student prices - served in plastic cups. It wasn't a bad night - thanks to the DJs - but it wasn't our perfect disco.
Then we heard of South London Pacific on Kennington Road. A 'tiki bar, cocktail lounge and club' - it sounded like a bit of fun.
The atmosphere was lively and as it is done out in a Polynesian theme, there is a distinct holiday feel. The cocktails were fruity and highly drinkable and nowhere near Mahiki prices (also good for dancing but cramped and pretentious). We tested quite a few out and the Caribbean punch and Raspberry daiquiri were particularly tasty.
The DJ was a little schizophrenic and not particularly great at mixing. It lurched from pop to disco to rock to cheese (You can call me Al - groan) but on the plus side it was only minutes before something you liked came on. 'I wanna dance with somebody' was a particular hit for us. We made requests but you're also invited to email the DJ with song suggestions before the night which was a nice touch.
The security dudes were a little militant over us wearing footwear. Every girl knows there is a point in the evening where you want to kick off your heels and dance with wild abandon, but this was impossible for health and safety reasons, which is fair enough.
Still, the point was that we'd got to the stage where our feet were in agony but we still wanted to dance. That is surely a sign of a good night.
Congrats South London Pacific, you win the Disco Heaven Award for now but the search still goes on...