You’ve finally managed to land a first date with someone you fancy but the nerves are mounting.
Meeting anyone for the first time is daunting, especially if it’s someone you really like. You want the conversation to flow perfectly, but what should you say?
Let’s be real, the best way to open up a conversation is to ask a question, it gives you more time to think about what you want to say and gives the other person an opportunity to share something they feel strongly about.
But what are the questions we should be asking in order to bag that second date? Are there things that you shouldn’t speak about on the first date? Or is anything off-limits?
Pippa Murphy, the sex and relationships expert at condoms.uk has shared the six best questions to ask on a first date as well as the topics to avoid.
The first date is all about getting to know each other and having fun together. However, if you’re stuck for questions to ask, or worried about saying the wrong thing, here are Murphy’s personal favourites:
1. How was your day?
This is an easy and simple way to get a conversation going. It’s also a good way to let your date know that you’re interested in them and their life.
If they have a terrible day, they’ll appreciate the fact that you care enough to ask about it. And if they had an amazing day, they’ll love talking about it with someone who’s actually listening.
2. What’s your favourite way to relax?
We usually ask someone what their favourite hobby is, however, that can sometimes be a dead-end question if, like many people, your date doesn’t have a hobby.
So, instead, ask them how they like to relax as this will provide a better insight into their characteristics.
If their downtime involves relaxing with a book, you will be able to understand if they are happy in their own company. If they mention friends or family in their relaxing activities, they might prefer socialising with people. Showing an interest in idle time will open further conversations to find a mutual interest.
3. What was the last show you binge-watched?
Given the pandemic, most people would have binge-watched a TV show in the last two years so this is the perfect question to ask on a first date.
Asking about their most recent or interesting watch will provide you with an understanding of their genre preference and their reasoning behind it.
People tend to relate to characters they aspire to be like. You can exchange show recommendations and you could find you have more in common than you think, especially if you dig deep into plot twists and start to discuss how characters coped in certain situations.
4. What is something you want to learn?
Now, this is the question you must ask on a first date as you’ll see if you have similar interests, goals, and levels of ambition. If someone doesn’t have a desire to learn, it might be a turn-off.
It can be anything from learning a language to developing confidence in public speaking. It allows you to see if their interests match with yours alongside their current priorities. And if the date goes well, your second date could be learning something you’re both interested in, together.
5. Do you have a signature dish you love to cook?
Asking this will show if the person is an avid cook, or if they prefer eating out. If they don’t like cooking you can use it as a suggestion to learn together on a future date and if they do have a dish in mind, they could indicate to make it for you one day.
Then, hopefully, the conversation will lead to food preferences and any allergies they might have. Or, if you both prefer eating out to eating in, this could also kickstart another conversation about the best restaurants in your local area.
6. What is the best thing that happened to you this week?
Asking about something recent is a nice way to break the ice. This type of question allows the person to gauge what they perceive as the ‘best’.
It shows if they appreciate the smaller things in life or events on a bigger scale. Plus, talking about what’s happening in your life currently is a good way to get to know someone, as often people only talk about their most impressive, core memories as a means of flattering.
What topics should you avoid?
- Your ex – Saying something bad about them can shine a bad light on you, whereas saying something good about them could suggest that you’re not ready to move
- Politics – This can be quite a heavy subject for a first date and could get very intense. Plus, you don’t want to lose out on a second date with something that had potential because of a difference in political opinion
- Trauma – Eve though it’s admirable to be open and honest about your life traumatic life experiences shouldn’t be brought up on a first date as it may lead to the date turning into a therapy session. Save your experiences for once you know someone on a deeper level who will truly care and give you the compassion you deserve.
- Marriage – Talking about your desire to get married or have kids could scare your date away so it’s best to save these ‘absolutes’ for later down the dating road.
- A bad day/ week at work – Whilst you may be tempted to have a rant especially if you go on a date after a stressful day at work, this is the ultimate turnoff as it highlights you as a cynic, and also suggests that you’re not a go-getter.