When it comes to research and women’s sexual pleasure, most of what we know is about how things aren’t working — the fact that many women struggle to achieve orgasm with their partners, for example. One survey of women in Finland found that only 54% experienced an orgasm the last time they had intercourse, compared with 90% of men in similar surveys.
“There’s so little evidence that has actually looked at normal functioning of the orgasm in women, it’s shocking,” Megan Klabunde, a psychologist and professor at the University of Essex in England, told HuffPost.
Yet lots of women do have regular orgasms, both alone and with partners, and feel satisfaction in their sex lives. What could we learn from their experiences?
A recent study published by Klabunde and her co-authors found a skill that correlates with more frequent and more satisfying orgasms in women, nonbinary people and trans men: interoception.
What is interoception?
In elementary school, we’re taught the five senses: sight, smell, taste, hearing and touch. But these don’t encompass interoception, which is our perception of our own internal sensations.
“Interoception focuses on the senses from within your body, such as your heartbeat, sense of your breathing, hunger and your need to use the toilet,” Klabunde told HuffPost.
Noticing that your pulse or your breathing has sped up or slowed down would be one example. Or maybe you’re attentive to your body’s hunger cues even before your stomach starts growling.
In their survey of 318 women, nonbinary people and trans men, Klabunde and her co-authors rated participants’ levels of interoception by asking them how much they agreed with statements such as “When I am tense, I notice where the tension is located in my body,” ”I notice how my body changes when I feel happy/joyful” and “I trust my body sensations.”
How does interoception improve sexual satisfaction?
The study found that “a person’s tendency to notice their interoceptive
sensations and their abilities to attend to these signals are associated with increased orgasm frequency in women,” Klabunde said. In other words, people who were more in tune with internal sensations such as hunger or their pulse speeding up tended to have more frequent orgasms.
Klabunde noted that the study measured participants’ perceived interoception — whether they felt in tune with their bodies, without regard to whether these sensations were accurate.
This association between interoception and frequency of orgasms held for both solo and partnered sex. Interestingly, “the only thing that was associated with satisfaction of your orgasms in the partnered context,” Klabunde said, was “body trusting,” which she described as “women’s ability to trust their body and the sensations from their bodies.”
She speculated as to why this might be. “It’s really important to feel like when you do feel the sensations in your body, to trust them, to know that it’s safe to have that experience, rather than to feel like you have to override it with your own thinking and really doubt what your experience is.”
Joy Berkheimer, a therapist who was not affiliated with the study, saw a natural connection between interoception and sexual pleasure, telling HuffPost, “This heightened awareness allows for a better understanding of what feels pleasurable, leading to (hopefully) enacting or asking for more of what you like.”
How can people hone their interoceptive skills?
Though there is not empirical research showing what people can do if they want to increase their interoceptive awareness, it makes sense to try tuning in to these sensations if you are hoping to have more frequent or more satisfying orgasms.
One way to learn about your body’s sensations and preferences is to do some exploration on your own, so it’s perhaps not surprising that the participants in Klabunde’s study had more frequent and satisfying orgasms by themselves than with a partner.
“Engaging in solo sexual activities often means there’s less pressure to please a partner or meet external expectations, creating a more relaxed state of mind that enhances personal pleasure and enjoyment,” Berkheimer said.
“Additionally, cultural norms often prioritise male pleasure, which can diminish focus on female and nonbinary pleasure in partnerships; solo activities provide a space to prioritise one’s own needs. For some, the emotional connection experienced during solo activities can also feel safer, encouraging vulnerability and deeper exploration of your sexual identity and desires,” Berkheimer added.
While in other endeavours, people are often advised to home in on their goal or even to “manifest” it into reality, interoception during sex is less about whether or not you reach orgasm and more about paying attention to your sensations in the moment and trusting your body.
Klabunde noted that sensate focus therapy, a kind of sex therapy for couples, is rooted in noticing your own sensations and building trust with your partner. Though it has not been clear in the past why this therapy is effective, interoception offers a potential explanation.
Although it may lead to more or better orgasms in the long term, sensate focus “tries to get a couple to take orgasm off of the table and to not make it a part of the goal ... to slowly get more comfortable in those sexual interactions without having a goal and just to be present with each other and to be present with your bodies,” Klabunde said. For example, a couple might start by having one partner stroke the other person’s hand and focusing on what that experience feels like.
Berkheimer advised that couples looking to improve their sex lives embrace “the journey of discovery together.”
“Start by cultivating a safe and open space for communication,” Berkheimer said. “Talk about what feels good, what excites each of you and any boundaries you want to establish.”
If you’re looking to take your sexual relationship to the next level, Berkeimer recommended that you “encourage your partner to connect with their own body — this self-exploration is powerful and can inform you both about what brings joy and pleasure.”
You can also “experiment with different techniques, positions and even toys to find what resonates best,” she said, adding that you might incorporate breath work or mindfulness practices, both of which can help you tune in to your internal sensations.
“Creating an atmosphere that embraces playfulness, curiosity and touch can transform your intimate moments into a magical experience,” she said.