Don’t get me wrong ― I love The Traitors, which, like millions of others, I finally got into this year.
In fact I’m become such a fan that I’ve even joined a few of Reddit’s r/Traitors live chats (don’t judge me! I can’t be expected to keep my feelings on Minah’s genius machinations to myself) in the last few weeks.
But during those discussions, I’ve seen comment after comment repeating the same sentiment ― people seem uniformly and repeatedly irritated by contestants saying “I’m voting for yourself” rather than simply “I’m voting for you”.
So, we spoke to linguist Veruska Anconitano and therapist and former neuroscientist Brooke Sprwol why themselves might use the phrase (sorry).
What’s the point of saying ‘I’m voting for yourself’?
Fans aren’t best pleased with the phrase, with one Redditor writing: “Where the hell did this come from? No! It’s ‘I’m voting for you’!!!”.
While I share their frustration, both Anconitano and Sprowl agree it serves the same purpose ― it makes the accusation feel less like an attack.
″‘You’ feels direct and can come across as accusatory, but ‘yourself’ adds a subtle distance,” Anconitano told HuffPost UK.
“It sounds more reflective and less personal, almost as if the speaker is inviting the listener to step back and look at the situation with a bit of detachment.”
Sprowl agrees, adding: “‘Yourself’ can make the feedback feel more collaborative and less like a direct critique, which can help preserve the emotional tone of the conversation.”
The therapist says the choice can feel more formal too, impersonalising it further.
Stressing that the choice is far from “random”, Anconitano continued: “This reflects our instinct to protect both our own and others’ ‘face’ – the social dignity we all navigate in interactions.”
“In many English-speaking contexts, especially those that value indirectness [and bear in mind this is the UK version], ‘yourself’ signals a kind of respectful diplomacy.”
Basically, it’s a mixture of formalised distance, a reluctance to confront one another directly, and gold ol’ manners. So, very British.
Why do we all find it so annoying?
The issue has come up in Reddit post after Reddit post, Traitors season after Traitors season.
One commenter wrote that therapist Sprowl’s “formal” theory might, in fact, be why it’s so irritating.
“Misusing reflexive pronouns as an attempt to add formality has been common in the UK for decades (it started in the corporate world/customer service),” opined u/inthemagazines.
Meanwhile, u/No_Pineapple9166 thinks the “softener” theory might be true, but still gets on their nerves: “It was funny when Harry did it last series because it was a softener he subconsciously (probably) used because he was lying. But Faithfuls are using it now,” they wrote.
Some commenters think the trend has Irish and Scottish influence, too. But while members of those nations do use “yourself” more often in this kind of context, I as an Irish person have to agree with the consensus that this is a different beast altogether.
I’m with u/InfiniteBaker6972, who writes: “The roots of it aren’t in question. My Irish family use it a lot. It’s the use in the show to mistakenly seem more ‘formal’ that’s got me.”