"Viking. North Utsire. South Utsire. South-easterly women breastfeeding. Occasionally in public."
Yes, it can only be the sequel to the original Ukip Shipping Forecast - and it's just as glorious as the last one.
It's the work of Nicholas Pegg, and take it from us: it makes for marvellous listening for any devoted Radio 4 listener and/or Ukip-hater...