There's a lot of things to do this weekend. Go to the park. Have a picnic. Go to Essex... what?! Yes, go to Essex. It's somewhere I visit strictly once a year, to a little festival known as V. Once known for being the only place on the planet that still sold Virgin Cola, it's now popular music's biggest event, focusing on chart-toppers on the support bill whilst the headliners are always surprising exclusives.
This year, those who are 'mad fer it' will no doubt be donning their best visor caps and heading down to Hylands Park in Chelmsford to see the resurrection of the Stone Roses. This is the first time any 'southern pansies' will be able to catch the band in their backyard, and I imagine it'll match those memories made by those who saw them perform earlier this year in Manchester's Heaton Park.
Suitably, Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds will be supporting. Not a bad shout so far if you like your music from Manchester, but don't worry, there's plenty for bed-wetters as well. Check out Keane or Snow Patrol if you dilute your juice just a little, ickle too much. Of course, if you're totally barred from the juice, you may appreciate performances from the likes of Olly "Try Hard" Murs and 'He's not James Blunt, but he'll do' aka James Morrison.
Cynicism aside (after-all, this is V Festival, not Glastonbury), there's plenty at V Festival for everyone, be it dance kings Nero to rapper-turned-singer-turned-rapper-turned-popstar Example to veteran crooner Tom Jones to, randomly, Britpop heroes Dodgy also making an appearance. It'll be worth heading to the Carling Refresh Rooms to also check out secret performances from the likes of, well, I can't say who, but they're good.
Weather-wise, I've been to V for the past six years and I've suffered sun stroke every time, so don't worry about wellies or mud. In fact, most people don't even camp because it's so close to London, but if you do, there's enough carpet on site to make you forget that you're outdoors. Apart from obviously being outdoors, which is a nice constant reminder. Just keep your wits about you - people will be going MENTAL.
All in all, it gets the knocks every year, but it's the only festival where you'll be stood at the urinal and notice the bloke next to you has got a 'pejazzle'. And for that reason alone, I'm in.