Helicopter parenting, tiger parenting, gentle parenting – it seems every year we’re met with a newly-coined term describing a particular strategy parents implement when raising kids.
This year we’re seeing greater interest in so-called FAFO parenting. But what on earth does that mean?
What is FAFO?
For the uninitiated, FAFO is an acronym for “f*** around and find out”, which describes when someone experiences the consequences of their actions. In other words, they mess around, and they find out what happens next.
It’s unclear where the phrase first came from, although The Washington Post suggests it originated in African American slang.
in 2022, popularity for the acronym soared after Kanye West was reportedly kicked off Twitter, now known as X, for posting an image of a swastika within the Star of David. The singer also posted an unflattering photo of the social media platform’s owner Elon Musk, according to reports.
After the musician was given the boot, the billionaire responded with a post simply saying “FAFO” – a slogan which has since become popular among the far-right Proud Boys group in the US, according to Reuters.
So what does all this have to do with raising kids?
In a video on TikTok which has racked up 300,000 views, one mum explained how she practices “FAFO parenting” in everyday life.
User @hey.im.janelle – a self-confessed authoritative parent – said her children “get their natural consequences and get to figure out the way through them”.
Offering an example, she described how she’d taken her son camping for the first time with the Cub Scouts.
“At one point it was raining pretty hard, it was raining all day ... and the kids were all just playing around at the campsite and my son decided he didn’t want to wear his rain jacket anymore,” she said.
Her response? “Okay, that’s up to you.”
She added: “I’m not fighting my kid on a jacket unless temperatures are such that it could be dangerous to be without it.”
The idea is that kids come up with their own solutions to the problem they’re faced with.
“I love this. This is what we do. My kids are confident and polite and thinkers! You’re doing great!!” said user Mutable1.
But user Zarina disagreed with the idea: “Makes ur kid feel like u don’t actually care about them or what happens to them. My mom did that.”
What does an expert think?
Counselling Directory member Lianne Terry told HuffPost UK: “Personally, I think this is a great approach, but ultimately every child is different and so a tailored approach is vital.”
There are a handful of benefits to this kind of strategy, according to Terry: it can encourage independence in children, teaches them accountability, improves problem-solving skills and helps build resilience.
But there’s also a risk of emotional distress if children don’t feel supported or they might misinterpret the approach as a lack of care or interest, she suggested. And there’s also the potential for kids to be put in unsafe situations.
As a result, the counsellor stressed it’s important children are developmentally capable of understanding and learning from the consequences.
“For example, letting a child forget their homework teaches responsibility, but it’s completely inappropriate and dangerous to let a toddler learn about danger by playing near a busy road,” she explained.
It’s important that the risks are low and you’re allowing a child to fail safely.
“Not wearing a coat and feeling cold can be a powerful learning experience, without serious harm,” said the counsellor. “Allowing natural consequences in situations involving serious physical, emotional or social risks can be really harmful.”
And lastly, she said it’s vital that parents offer support in the aftermath by discussing the situation with the child and helping them to reflect and learn.
“Parents should set clear expectations and explain why certain behaviours have consequences – building understanding, rather than fear or resentment,” added Terry.
If they don’t have this kind of support, the mental health expert warned children can feel abandoned, which can “damage trust and attachment”.
She concluded: “Children need to feel loved and supported, even when they make mistakes.”