What are your views on drinking alcohol in front of your children? Do you make a conscious decision to abstain when with your children or just not to drink to excess? Have you ever been drunk in front of your children?
In a new report released by the Institute of Alcohol Studies (IAS) 29% of parents admitted to having been drunk in front of their children, whilst 51% said they had been tipsy. Out of the parents that admitted to having been tipsy, 29% of their children said they had been embarrassed by their parents' behaviour as a result and 19% said they felt they had been given less attention.
Invited to take part in a discussion on the findings of the report I was asked whether I drank in front of my teens. My response quite simply was, yes I do. Asked my opinion on drinking in front of children I expressed the view that it was all about moderation. Yet the English language is a fickle beast. Moderate drinking can of course mean different things to different people, one person's glass of wine can be another's bottle. So parents, where should we draw the line?
The differentiating factor for me is responsibility. We are bombarded by "responsible" marketing messages everywhere we look but the pinnacle of responsibility is surely responsible parenting.
As adults we know what it is to overstep the mark. Thus, when it comes to alcohol, it is important as parents we exercise self-control when with our children. This is at its height of course when they are younger and a sound mind is needed at all times in case of an emergency.
As they grow and move through the tween phase, our children become more perceptive and aware of boundaries of acceptable behaviour. Add to this the benefits of education. Tweens soak up information like sponges. There is nothing more enjoyable than your child returning from school and brain dumping everything they have learnt in a series of "Did you know?" statements. Included in this is the introduction to PSHE lessons and its important messages on social media, bullying, puberty, drugs and alcohol. Tweens are suddenly armed with facts as well as an inquisitive mind.
In the report, 11-12 year olds described alcohol as "like sugar for adults". Well that must be bad then. After all we spend our lives telling our children to cut back on sugar. Fizzy drinks are banned, juices and smoothies with their abundance of natural fructose must be limited and biscuits and cakes forbidden.
Well to be honest, in my house all of these things are allowed in moderation. Yes there is that word again. But it is a word which for me encompasses the necessary sentiment. It is about the avoidance of extremes. My children know the difference between what is acceptable and what will send their dentist or me into a tail spin and them out of control. Isn't it the same with us as adults when it comes to alcohol? By all means enjoy a glass of wine or a bottle of beer but just know when to stop, particularly when children are present.
Now as a mother of teens have my parameters changed? Almost certainly. That is not to say I lose control and dance on the table but a lazy Sunday lunch with teens is one of midlife's pleasures and is more likely to end with a board game and an afternoon nap than a trip to A&E.
That doesn't mean to say I have abandoned parenting responsibly. Control is the defining point in all of this and is one that we emphasised to our eldest teen when he started on the teen house party circuit and more recently when he headed off to university to confront the first hurdle that is Freshers' Week.
There is no right or wrong. It all comes down to a matter of personal choice and everyone's choice will be different, even within families. The only element to remember is that we are setting an example for our children. In the meantime, whilst flying the flag for responsible parenting, let's also remember life is for living - in moderation of course!