With the cozzie livs crisis in full swing, we’ve never related harder to that episode of Friends where the gang are divided over income issues.
Monica, Ross and Chandler make more money, while Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey don’t. It all kicks off in a restaurant when the more well-off members of the gang ask to split the bill six ways... despite their pals having purposely ordered less.
Yup, “The One With Five Steaks and an Eggplant” is quite an accurate representation of what it feels like to be an adult right now in a friendship group that earns more than you.
There’s almost aways a difference in wages among friendship groups, even with those in similar jobs and working the same hours. However, the ‘friendship wage gap’ if not navigated well, can lead to resentment, and drive a wedge between you and your friends if they don’t understand why you’re always saying no to plans they try to make.
So how do we talk about this super awkward issue? HuffPost UK spoke to finance expert Pete Ridley at Car Finance Saver to learn how to navigate awkward money conversations with wealthier friends, without putting a strain on your friendship.
Be upfront
Talking about money can be difficult, especially if you’re the one with less money. No one wants to feel inferior, but if you don’t talk to your friends about how you’re feeling, they’ll never know.
They probably have no idea how tight your finances are at the moment, and keeping it to yourself will mean that the cycle of overspending or missing out continues.
You can keep it light hearted rather than being confrontational, but having a chat about your money worries will mean that your friends can be more understanding when you tell them you don’t want to, or can’t do, certain things.
Don’t feel like you have to split the bill just because you always have done in the past, when you’ve only had a tap water and a salad and they’ve had a steak and two glasses of wine.
Having a friend offer to pay for you is nice at the time, but not when they expect you to pay next time.
Set a spending limit
When you’re making plans, set a spending limit that you’re all comfortable with and stick to it. This will mean there’s no surprise additional costs that you’ve not prepared for. If you’ve agreed to go for dinner, make sure your friends know you only want to go for dinner, not spontaneous drinks and a night after the meal.
Suggest alternatives
No matter how small the suggested spending limit is, it might still be too much. Rather than opting out completely and staying home with FOMO watching their Instagram stories, suggest alternative plans.
Your friends want to see you more than they want to go out, so suggest cheaper, or free, activities like dinner at home or a movie night, you can still spend time together without breaking the bank.
Stop comparing yourself
Constantly comparing yourself and your finances to your friends never helps, and will only make you feel worse. Making assumptions about your friend’s finances is also not helpful - your friend with the highest paying job may have debts they’re struggling to pay off, whereas the friend you think earns less may be doing really well with a side hustle and making more money than you thought.
Your friends may be having the same money worries as you, so talking openly about it can benefit them as well as yourself.
Remember – your true friends don’t care how much you earn.
Rethink the friends that make you feel bad for how much money you have, or don’t have. Friends who are happy to put you in situations they know you’re uncomfortable with, whether that relates to spending money or anything else, are not your friends!