It's no secret - I detest work that requires sitting down and I detest work that requires using my brain. These two traits were the cause of my dismal exam results: I managed three 'O' levels despite going to an expensive private school and those three 'O' levels were in subjects that required literally no studying: English, French and Mathematics.
Though my Ma did not give me a hard time over it, in later years she confessed that she was shocked that I did not even manage a 'C' for Biology. "You knew so much," my Ma said.
Well, the reason was, I never had the discipline to study.
In my parenting books, I enclosed this diagram:
My Ma never forced us to do anything. She used to say cheerily, "Ooooh, when you are an adult, there will be so many people telling you the things that you can't do, or things that you have to do. So enjoy what you have now, dearies."
Thus, we had a magical time growing up. I will always remember the closing years of my childhood sitting on the beach with my younger brother when we were supposed to be studying for our 'A' levels, and going to the Polytechnic library to waste time instead of work.
Whatever issues that arose from my Ma's magical ways were laughed off with her cheery, "Don't worry, it will all come out in the wash."
Maybe we were just plain lucky or maybe my Ma had been right all along, but all her children turned out just fine academically and in our careers.
Because you see, though my Ma was easy-going with us when it came to 'unimportant things', she taught us very strong work ethics, moral courage, inner strength and commitment where it matters. And where it matters is human relationships.
I began working fiendishly hard when I became a mother and my baby-daddy was a happy-go-lucky chap who did not earn that much (and who had no intention of climbing the career ladder). To the amazement of all who knew me, I won a scholarship to Oxford. Whilst at Oxford, apart from the burdens of studying and caring for three young children, I worked in part time jobs to supplement the family income. I worked hard in my career too, not for my own glory, but to provide for my family.
I write this post because very rarely do parents teach children the reason for working hard. These children grow into adults who work for the sake of working. "Can't see the wood for the trees" as the old adage goes. I strongly believe that if we work hard for the sake of work alone, it is a very empty life. We might get bolstered by our colleagues' accolades, the financial rewards or job satisfaction, but what is at home and in our hearts? Many true anecdotes abound about men who keel over and die the minute they retire or marriages breaking up when the husbands retire. And even more about driven careerists who did not place enough importance, commitment and hard work into the family, often causing pain to their partners and children.
I believe that we exist to love. Love is the Universal Law. In Mathematics, what an object is is not determined by what it is composed of, but rather, by how it behaves with respect to other objects.
I certainly find that I am more committed and more dedicated to work when there is a human element involved. For example, I am now working fiendishly hard on my forthcoming parenting book that I am co-authoring with someone. It will be her first book and I feel morally invested in making our book a success for her.
If you are looking for something to think about this morning, I would like to urge you to think about raising children to be firmly rooted in love for others, love for themselves, love for the world and love for the Universe.
First published in www.raisinghappystrongkids.com