A woman came a crapper cropper recently when she got lodged between two windows at her date’s house while trying to retrieve a poo.
The unnamed woman had been watching a Louis Theroux documentary at Liam Smyth’s house, in Bristol, when she disappeared off to the toilet.
Moments later she came back with a “panicked look” in her eye and explained to Smyth that she’d been for a poo and it hadn’t flushed, so she had retrieved it from the bowl and thrown it out of the window.
It transpired that the poo hadn’t made it very far and had become stuck between two window panels. Shortly afterwards, so too was Smyth’s poor Tinder date - who had tried to retrieve her poo and had become trapped in the process.
It gets worse though, she later had to be rescued by firefighters, who were forced to break the window to retrieve her.
Smyth has since shared his woeful tale on GoFundMe, where he’s managed to raise enough money to replace his window.
Smyth said the date had started out pretty well, the pair had gone to Nandos together and then headed back to his place for “a bottle of wine and a scientology documentary”.
About an hour in, Smyth’s date got up to use the toilet and, when she returned, she looked pretty stressed.
His date revealed that she’d been for a poo and it hadn’t flushed, so she panicked, pulled it out of the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper and threw it out of the window.
“I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened,” he recalled.
“Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, separated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window.
“It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo.”
Oh, shit.
Smyth’s date was an amateur gymnast so she was convinced that she could reach into the window void and retrieve her turd.
Like something out of Mission Impossible, she hoisted herself through the window and discovered she couldn’t reach the poo. So she climbed ever further in.
Eventually, she managed to reach the tissue-wrapped bundle, which she passed back through the small window opening. The same couldn’t be said for her body, which had become lodged in the gap.
“She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast,” Smyth recalled.
“Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap.”
After 15 minutes of trying to retrieve his trapped date, Smyth was forced to call the fire brigade, who arrived and helped assist in her removal.
They had to destroy the entire window to get her out.
Smyth, a postgraduate student, is now crowdfunding online to raise money to get his window replaced.
“If the window is not replaced my landlord may well kill me, so you would be literally helping to save a life,” he wrote.
Luckily for Smyth, he’s smashed his target of £200 and has currently raised £1,674.
He said the remainder of the money will be split between two charities: a charity building and maintaining flushing toilets in the developing world and a firefighter’s charity.
We’re glad to hear this story has a happy ending.