I rarely write of an evening. My most creative writing comes in the morning as I sit in the sunshine and drink my morning coffee. I also rarely blog on a weekend. I don't think many people read my stuff on a weekend.
But today I've decided to switch things up a bit. I'm sitting in my garden writing as usual, however my coffee is replaced with a glass of red wine, as I recall the lessons from the day.
I'm also drunk. Off one glass of wine. Which should be interesting.
Hope is a funny thing.
It's like a wish.
I am very childlike. I have this vulnerability about me. An innocence. A naïveté.
I even resemble a child with my big brown eyes which are too large for my face, are full of wonder. My tiny stature. I'm not much bigger than a 12 year old. And of course those of you who read my articles would know I cry almost every day too like a child. Too sensitive I am. To everything. Which is probably why I'm intoxicated right now.
This afternoon I returned from lunch with my mother, and saw a Father Christmas floating through the air. I plonked my handbag down on the driveway, and reached up and plucked it from the sky.
I thought what I'd like to wish for, and the only thing I wanted popped into my head.
"I want to be happy" I said in my mind before blowing on the Father Christmas and releasing it off onto the ethers.
That's all I want. I want to be happy.
I don't want any material things - I have all of those. And Lord knows, happiness is not found in "things".
That's a trap a lot of people fall into. The "I'll be happy when" trap.
I"ll be happy when I pay off my house. I'll be happy when I lose 7 kilos. I'll be happy when I have a nice car. I'll be happy when I go on that holiday.
Let me tell you, I have had these things happen (aside from the losing weight bit - if anything I could do with gaining a couple of kilos). And you know what? Nothing changes. Everything is exactly as it was.
Why?
Because happiness is a state of mind. It comes from within. And what happiness means is different to everyone.
And then I thought of my bucket list.
Which comprises of very simplistic things. Probably because in my 34 years, I have lived somewhat of a chaotic life. I would like to simplify things. Although my first two things on my bucket list would suggest otherwise.
So here's my bucket list:
1. I want to be a best-selling author
2. I want to be a famous blogger recognised for my writing ability (I'm getting there slowly with this one)
3. I want to always be beautiful both inside and out (I already am)
4. I want a passionate, romantic relationship
5. I want to be respected
6. I want to be healthy
7. I want a nice car (got it)
8. I want a nice home (got it)
9. I want to have good friends (got that too. They say you can only count your true friends on one hand)
10. I want to be strong, independent, and happy
11. I want to go to Hawaii
12. I want to be in a relationship that is loving and easy with no fighting
13. I want to be financially secure (thankfully, I am)
14. I want to go paddle boarding
15. I want to go to Seattle again
16. I want to feel more confident
17. I don't want to be controlled by anyone
18. I want to be able to meditate properly (I simply CANNOT still my mind)
19. I want to find myself
20. I want to go canoeing in that river in Mullimbimby (it's near Byron Bay)
21. I want to sleep on the beach one night
So today, I ask you to do something.
Write a bucket list. And start working towards crossing things off the list.
Think about what you REALLY want out of life. And love yourself for the person you are.
I'm a mad artist. A free spirit. Full of torment. Full of wonder. I'm a little bit crazy. A little bit difficult. A little too emotional. But I'm beautiful, both inside and out. And I love myself for the unique person I am.
I hope that we can all find what we're searching for. But more importantly, I hope that we can all be true to ourselves and discover the meaning behind the all of the lessons that are placed before us. Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that.
Hope for happiness. Send your wishes out into the universe. What you believe you'll conceive. (And you'll all be receiving a signed copy of my book).