Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humoor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
*me almost finished with a chore*
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) June 2, 2024
Husband: Here, let me do that.
Folding my wife’s clothes made me realize that they didn’t teach us all of the shapes when we were in school
— Corey Ryan Forrester First of His Name (@CoreyRForrester) May 30, 2024
Me: [on deathbed]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 28, 2024
Wife: It's probably just allergies.
Living on a prayer. But it's me every time I get into my wife's car trying to make it to a gas station before I run out of gas.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 2, 2024
Brb. I just found out my husband has never seen an episode of The Price is Right and I'm questioning everything.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) May 31, 2024
Woke up, rolled over in bed, and my wife goes, “Good morning! Would you like to see a turtle having fun?”
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) May 31, 2024
Marriage is taking your wife out for dinner while driving around until you both keep asking each other “Where do want to eat?” until you slowly swerve into oncoming traffic.
— Tony P. (@Tbone7219) June 1, 2024
One thing I really love about Greek-Americans is not only do they fucking LOVE being Greek, they want everyone to be Greek, there’s no gatekeeping. When I married my husband they treated me like I had acquired inherent Greekness from him.
— Cartoons Hate Her! (@CartoonsHateHer) June 2, 2024
Hubs: you’re losing it!
— LorazeKim ™ 🏴☠️🇺🇸🇮🇹🏁 (@_KimberleyAnna) May 28, 2024
Me: catch up Chief I’ve already lost it
Get married so you can yell something to your spouse, and they can yell “What?” ten times from another room instead of walking 25 feet.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) June 3, 2024
my husband before each episode of a show we’re watching together: something happened at the end of the last episode, right?
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) May 29, 2024
Before marrying there should be a compatibility test with questions such as: “Do you believe that little pocket in the car door is for garbage yes or no?”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 2, 2024
I hate it when my wife reminds me of plans that I’d swear she never told me about in the first place.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) May 29, 2024
My husband obviously loves my style, anytime I say “How do I look?” He doesn’t even have to look at me, he just replies “Gorgeous.”
— Darla (@ddsmidt) May 30, 2024
Husband: Hey, are you listening to me?
— Bird Eckler (@Birdeckler) June 1, 2024
Me: No, sorry, I was thinking about how to word this joke I just thought of.
My husband breaking the news to my kids: We’re probably not going anywhere this weekend.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) June 1, 2024
My kids: NOOOOO!
Me: ʸᵉˢˢˢˢ
my husband and son are returning from a vacation today which means my vacation is over
— nika (@nikalamity) June 2, 2024
Me: We never talk.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) May 31, 2024
Husband: Okay, how was your-
Me: I don't mean right now.
It’s that time of year, arguing with my husband over the ceiling fan speed.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 28, 2024
I like “light breeze.” He prefers “F4 tornado.”
My wife told me the yard looked really good, and OMG I CANT STOP SMILING THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT
— Adam (@YSylon) June 2, 2024