Waterparks are like a cross between a day at the park and a day at the beach, only without the beauty of nature — and with a whole lot more shrieking, standing in long lines, near-naked bodies in close proximity and lots and lots of pee.
Here, the funny parents of X (formerly Twitter) describe in hilarious detail what makes taking the kids to a water park so unforgettable.
My kids put together a PowerPoint presentation explaining why we should go to the water park…
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) November 1, 2023
It has several slides.
My three year old son’s legs have been too tired to walk all day. Can’t make it twenty feet, needs to be carried.
— The Wolf Of All Streets (@scottmelker) April 16, 2023
He made a miraculous recovery the second we hit the water park and was magically able to climb a few flights of stairs repeatedly for hours.
Science is amazing.
When I take my kid to the water park, ALL I WANT is for him not to be the kid that stands there & let’s the water spray his butthole.
— Kelly (@kelly__le) June 21, 2023
Hey ladies at the water park this morning: Stop staring at my awesome dad bod. My eyes are up here!
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 2, 2018
I’d like to thank the NINE family members I went with to the water park with who DIDNT FIND IT NECESSARY to tell me my shorts were on inside out.
— Burning Mom ⚡️ (@MomOnFire) August 25, 2018
My kids convinced me to do a body slide yesterday at the water park and so I guess I’m not going to walk normally for a week now. Is this middle age?
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) July 5, 2023
10/10 was worth it tho.
At the water park today. I’m not sure what’s scarier: the massive water slide or the soupy Bandaid-filled pool at the bottom of it.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 5, 2019
Taking your kids to the water park right before it closes means swimming in 90% pee.
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) August 19, 2019
Water park bathrooms: where you're never sure if you're stepping in water or urine! #ihopeitswater #itsprobablyurine #shouldawornflipflops
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) August 19, 2017
Every ticket to a water park comes with free admission to the Museum of Regrettable Tattoos
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 10, 2023
Took the kids to one of those indoor water park resorts. The rooms are expensive, but keep in mind that price includes your whole family getting access to water slides, a splash pad, a wave pool, and like 8 different stomach viruses.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 27, 2019
Our kids: The neighbors are going to the water park tonight too. Great!
— NatashaAnn (@looksliketuttut) July 21, 2019
Husband and I: The neighbors are going to the water park tonight too. Great
Funny how the same words can mean completely different things
As a fat dad with a hairy chest, I have found my people, and every single one is at this water park in Wisconsin Dells
— Robert Komaniecki (@Komaniecki_R) March 16, 2023
I made a conscious decision to bring my child to an indoor water park today - so if you’re looking for solid life advice - this is not the page for you.
— Amanda Marcotte | Mediocre Mommy (@storiesofamom) February 15, 2020
We are about to embark on 3 days/2 nights at a water park resort for either our best, or worst decision of the year. See you on the other side.
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) June 2, 2019
I’m currently sitting on a plastic lounge chair at the kiddie water park that’s located in the middle of a crowded theme park like some kind of jet-setting socialite.
— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) July 18, 2018
At a water park by the kid play area. Next to it is an adult drink shack serving alcoholic beverages, with a line 20 + deep.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 3, 2020
Well played, water park. Well played.
The only reason I'm at this water park is to check out all the dad bods.
— WineMummy (@WineMummy) July 12, 2016
8yo: I wanna do something special for you on Father’s Day.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) June 16, 2023
me: oh yea?
8yo: yea how about we take you to the water park and then get ice cream after?
My 8yo at the water park: Goes down every slide, rides surfing simulator, gets dumped on by giant water bucket
— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 26, 2018
My 8yo at home after: Has full-blown meltdown because the bath water is slightly chilly
Avoiding the summer slide, but instead of practicing multiplication tables, my kids simply haven’t been to the water park.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 26, 2019
Are you even a parent if you don’t have your phone on a neck lanyard in a fancy ziploc baggie at the water park?
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) June 28, 2021
Told my kids to get ready for the water park. My 4 year old was walking around with a full backpack for an hour and I asked what she had inside... she said, “oh you know, just my clothes and stuff”. When I checked inside she had a towel and a pair of roller skates 😂
— The Baby Lady (@thebabylady7) August 6, 2018
There’s a woman carrying wine in an actual wine glass around this indoor water park. Is this what people feel like when they see Jesus in a grilled cheese sandwich?
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) December 30, 2018
The best time to realize you ran out of sun block is when you’ve driven half an hour to the water park, get your child’s bathing suit on, sit down next to the giant splash pad and try to spray her.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) July 25, 2019