When babies level up to toddlerhood, parents quickly get a taste for what this next stage in their development is like. And basically, it’s chaos.
Whether you’re the parent of a toddler and want to bask in the knowledge it’s not just you being put through the wringer, or you’re the parent of a baby bracing yourself for what’s yet to come (or you’re neither and just want to laugh at other people’s expense), below are a series of tweets that sum up exactly what life with toddlers is like.
And while it’s hard work and exhausting; it’s also hilarious, rewarding and all kinds of fun. So, ya know, swings and roundabouts.
1.
Me: Yes, you were in my belly.
— Renée Agatep (@GoingByRenee) November 3, 2021
3yo: Why...
*tears in her eyes*
...why did you eat me?
2.
please keep me in your thoughts as I attempt to learn the proper names of all construction vehicles for my 2yo son
— Science Mom 🔬 (@EmSlyce) August 25, 2022
3.
At a café yesterday my toddler pointed and said loudly "that girl has 2 mums". About to eagerly embark on a lesson in diverse parenting, I turned around to see that the girl actually had one mum, and one long-haired dad 😔
— Dr Saphia Fleury (@SaphiaFleury) January 16, 2023
4.
My 3yo’s dinner
— Dr. Lindsay Malloy (@LMalloy) February 21, 2021
How it started. How it finished. pic.twitter.com/aSxkaK0j1c
5.
The tech who did my breast ultrasound put gel on the wand and said "Here comes some warm jelly!" and started whoosh-whooshing it toward my boobs like an airplane. Then she stopped dead, mid-whoosh, blinked, and said "I'm sorry, I have twin toddlers, I am... fucking exhausted."
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) April 15, 2022
6.
My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, "That's just 4 things." So she's basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.
— Jen Dziura (@jendziura) February 15, 2018
7.
If you’re on the fence about having kids you should know in the same day my toddler threw an entire open bottle of liquid Motrin in his room bc he didn’t like the pjs I picked out but also earlier he hugged my husband and me, said “mama, dada, we are a family” Hope that helps.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) November 20, 2022
8.
In this life, fear toddlers.
— Waïki Harnais (@WaikiHarnais) August 20, 2022
My child pointed at a woman today and screamed "This woman has no boobs, why?!"
9.
My 3yo asked what my favourite animal is and when I said penguin she yelled ‘NO IT ISNT’ and then she yelled at me until I agreed that my favourite animal was a bat and I don’t like bats. Or 3 year olds.
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 14, 2020
10.
My 2yo gathered up all of her toys with flashing lights, and now she's making me sit in a dark bathroom with her through what I can only describe as a toddler rave.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) June 13, 2022
11.
Oh man I did the thing where you rest your head on your toddler’s lap while they’re distracted and watching TV to gauge their true feelings about you and mine sweetly, absentmindedly patted my head and said “I really wish you would go away.”
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 8, 2022
12.
My toddler decided she wanted to sparkle so she dumped glitter into the bath with her and I’d like to tender my resignation from this job
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 3, 2023
13.
We're watching Shrek as a family and at the moment when Fiona turned from a woman into an ogre, my 2yo pointed to the TV and said "now she's a mom."
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) May 15, 2022
14.
Toddlers will actually test your patience in every way possible. I'm putting on my trainers to go to work and why is there BRIOCHE BUNS stuffed into my air forces please???
— THEEWNTR (@freddywinter) July 3, 2023
15.
a toddler pointed at me earlier and said “baby” and i nodded. it’s true. i am also a baby. real recognise real
— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) August 4, 2018
16.
I have a question for toddler parents . Is it normal for your kid to hold on to you as if you’re running away . 🥴
— Gbemi O-O (@GbemiOO) July 1, 2023
To follow you everywhere as if you have a personal bodyguard . Why is this person pulling the straps of my dress and saying “Mommy” 72 times a minute 🥴
17.
My 2yo likes to “play bedroom” where she has me go lie down on my bed and then she closes the bedroom door and runs away. Actually one of the better games she’s come up with.
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) November 11, 2021
18.
For reasons unknown, my toddler has decided her name is turtle not Talia.
— andrew kaczynski (@KFILE) June 28, 2023
19.
My 2-year-old said "cow" and then pointed at me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 6, 2016
I'm pretty sure I just got fat shamed by a toddler.
20.
I have committed the worst unpardonable offence in my toddler's world: Pressed the lift button before her.
— Shree (@kshreerang_) June 26, 2023
Our diplomatic relations are at an all-time low and it will require a huge amount of reparations to restore normalcy.
21.
My 2yo was left briefly unnattended within reach of a 1kg tub of glace cherries this morning. If you want to know how many glace cherries an unattended 2yo can eat in 5 minutes, it is what statisticians would refer to as 'an absolute fuckload'.
— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) July 24, 2020
22.
Last night my 1yo daughter insisted I heat up her cucumber slices, demanding “hot cucumber”. This is so sickening to me I can’t stop thinking about it
— Emily Mulligan (@emilycmulligan) July 20, 2022
23.
Told my 2yo we could do something just me and him this afternoon and asked what he wanted to do and he said "Can I have a meltdown?" Honestly, sure, this advanced warning is great for planning purposes, and appreciate it.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 5, 2023
24.
Currently letting my 2yo unravel a whole roll of toilet paper so I can get 15 minutes of peace.
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) December 1, 2022
25.
My toddler is pointing out shapes any and everywhere he sees them. The other day I forgot to lock the door. He walked in, pointed at my areola, and went “BROWN CIRCLE”
— herald of alien superstar (@Steph_I_Will) March 23, 2018
Me: pic.twitter.com/m88X1zlHWO
26.
My 2yo cried for 30 minutes in the car because I wouldn't let her get out to hug her friends, and by friends I mean pigeons. Parenthood is wild y'all.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 17, 2019
27.
3yo, playing with her dolls: Mommy, I love you!
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 9, 2023
Me: Aw I love you too.
3yo: Oh. That was actually my baby talking to me.
Me: Oh.
3yo: Nobody said that to you.
Me: Right.
Me: Sorry.
28.
I just complimented my 3yo on her painting, and she replied, ‘Thank you, you’re such a fan of my work’
— Jess Hill (@jessradio) June 18, 2021
29.
When my 2yo doesn’t want to talk anymore, she ends the conversation with “happy birthday” and walks away waving bye.
— Princess (@themultiplemom) May 8, 2023