Parents assume a serious responsibility when taking on the duties of Santa Claus. There are the presents under the tree on Christmas, sure — but the story of Santa requires so much more creativity, effort and just plain work.
There are letters, lists (and remembering what was on them) and changing course mid-December if you visit Santa at the mall for a photo and he inquires. Last-minute shopping for “proof” of Santa’s existence. Cookies to eat, milk to drink — an entire myth to uphold. Quick answers to clever questions children pose that you would never have been able to foresee in a million years.
For all the parents fumbling through the lead-up to Christmas while trying to keep the dream alive, here are the funniest tweets from X (formerly Twitter) about the load you carry this season.
*8YO arguing*
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 8, 2021
Me: I‘ll call Santa, right now and tell him…
8YO: Well I’ll call the PTA to volunteer you …
Me: You win
My daughter asked me how to begin her letter to Santa Claus so I suggested she start with, “Hear me out …”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) December 14, 2023
My 2yo screamed in Costco, cause he’s 2. This crusty old man came up to us and said, “I’m one of Santa’s helpers. That means I’ll tell Santa about who’s being a naughty boy” to which my 6yo replied, “Mommy why isn’t that old guy minding his business?”
— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) August 2, 2023
The kid gets it.
I wish I had as much balls as my toddler who just told Santa that she’s been good all year.
— Amanda Marcotte | Mediocre Mommy (@storiesofamom) December 10, 2019
I could tell my husband what Santa got the kids this year, but his genuine shock really helps perpetuate the myth.
— Moderately Mom (@moderately_mom) December 20, 2019
Dear kids: I love you both more than life itself, but no, Santa will not be bringing you a pet squirrel this Christmas.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) December 2, 2021
dad, if no one sees Santa at their house, how does anyone even know what he looks like?
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 14, 2023
- my 8 yo, stressing me out even more during the holidays
Forgot to explain Santa to my toddler, panicked and said “Just so you know, tonight a man is coming into our house through the chimney.”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) December 25, 2021
Son: daddy will Santa get my letter?
— The Dad (@thedad) December 19, 2019
Me: of course
Son: will he be able to read my writing?
Me: I’m sure he’ll manage
*later in bed*
Me: what the fuck is “dawalapsax”
Wife: i dunno
Me: well get to know because he wants one in blue
4 completely accepts that Santa Clause is real, but his mouth drops every time I remind him that his Grandma is my mom.
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) June 13, 2021
The evolution of every mom in December:
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) December 11, 2019
Dec 1: Deck the halls!
Dec 4: did decorating always suck balls?
Dec 8-17: SANTA IS WATCHING!
Dec 18:
Dec 19: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED!!
Dec 20: *googles all-inclusive adult only resorts*
Dec 24-25: THE BEST Christmas yet
If anyone needs me I’ll be at Petco buying stocking stuffers for the kitten because “SANTA WILL REMEMBER THAT THE KITTEN WAS ON THE NICE LIST, RIGHT MOM?!”
— Amanda Marcotte | Mediocre Mommy (@storiesofamom) December 22, 2019
Being a parent during Christmas kinda feels like you have the responsibility of Santa, but without the elves
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 23, 2022
My toddler asked me if Santa ever has to pee and like magic, an explanation for yellow snow was born.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) December 18, 2020
Child: [misbehaving]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 30, 2023
Me [picking up phone]: That's it, I'm calling Santa.
Child: Dad I'm 23.
My son cannot remember one of the two things he wanted for Christmas this year and he’s not concerned because “Santa knows what it was.”
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) December 9, 2023
before elf on a shelf, it was just your mom picking up the phone like “Hello??? Santa??? there’s a little boy here who won’t clean his room”
— Rob (@SeHablaRob) December 5, 2023
Me: OK, guys, we really need to clean up so Santa can deliver our presents!
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) December 15, 2020
4yo: Mommy, Santa is magic, he doesn't care if we clean up. Besides, I like it messy
“Wow now that I know it was you and not santa who was responsible for all those gifts over the years I’d like to take a moment to thank you and apologize for the misplaced gratitude.”
— The Dad (@thedad) December 6, 2019
- no kid ever
Took my kid to see the Polar Express and she came out of the theatre and was like “wow, I have a LOT of questions about Santa.” I said hey, listen, I’ll answer as many as I can, but I’m no expert. With no hesitation, she shot back “well neither is the government” ???????????????
— Elamin Abdelmahmoud (@elamin88) December 11, 2023
the beauty of having young children who still believe in magic of christmas is still being able to threaten them with “santa’s watching!”
— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) November 29, 2022
It becomes a little more challenging to keep the magic of Christmas alive to the kids when you run into Santa who’s half dressed, buying scratch offs and a six pack and getting into a beat up Hyundai at the local gas station
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 15, 2021
My 4yo just found a tiny santa figure. She brought him into her dollhouse and was playing with him. Then told him he was on the naughty list and wasn't getting presents. And now my husband and I live in fear for her savagery.
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) August 2, 2019
The mall Santa only gave my kid enough time to ask for one gift. I gave him a tip.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) December 3, 2022
All that I have to do to keep the magic of Santa alive for my 3yo, whose classmate told her Santa isn’t real, is find an edible strawberry cat
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) December 15, 2023
It’s time I tell my kids the truth about Santa. He’s Amazon.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) December 12, 2020
Should we just leave the door open for Santa since we don't have a chimney?
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 9, 2023
-my kid who is about to get us burglarized
My daughter lost her video game for the second time, and I told her I wouldn't buy her another. She's going to ask Santa to get it for her. I'm proud yet upset she found a loophole.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) May 29, 2020
7yo: Guess what a parent’s favorite holiday is.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) December 9, 2019
Me: What?
7yo: Christmas. Because Santa takes care of everything and you just sit back and relax.
Me: It’s a huge relief, yes.
Last night my 9yo told me there’s no way Santa is real… he’s known for awhile that reindeer can’t fly. So I asked if he wanted to help me hide eggs and he LOST IT.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) April 9, 2023
“You mean the Easter bunny isn’t real, either?”
Oops.
Thoughts and prayers for my husband that woke up in a panic this morning wondering if Santa had remembered to come. Spoiler alert: she did.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 25, 2019