35 Tweets About Sleep Struggles That Are Way Too Real

BEDTIME ROUTINE:
- brush teeth
- set alarm
- oh god I’m on twitter
- take melatonin
- close eyes
- I’m still on twitter???
- omg after death there’s no moment where I’ll realize I died, l just won’t exist & won’t even know
- fave a tweet
- it’s been 4 hrs & sleep will never come

— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) June 26, 2018

me: time to sleep

anxiety: time for my one-woman show

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 30, 2019

do you think insomnia is punishment for begging to stay up late all the time when i was a child

— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) March 23, 2014

GOD: [inventing sleep] make it the best thing & give it to evryone
ANGEL: aw thats nice
GOD: and make it imposible to experience or remember

— jonny sun (@jonnysun) August 11, 2016

Until I started experiencing insomnia I had no idea it was possible to be this furious with each of my pillows individually

— Erin *crosstalk* Ryan (@morninggloria) June 3, 2018

I only use high thread count sheets to ensure that I have the most luxurious night terrors

— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) May 23, 2013

some personal news: I've started sleepwalking again. please hide your candy because I will eat it

— Sam H. Escobar (@myhairisblue) April 11, 2016

You call it insomnia, I call it no one bothering me while I eat all the snacks time.

— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) July 9, 2016

Any jeans can be Pajama Jeans if you have narcolepsy!

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 3, 2011

Doctor: How are his night terrors?
Me: Well...they’re called night terrors.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) August 6, 2016

One thing I’m passionate about is ruining a trip by being unable to sleep the night before I leave.

— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) January 2, 2019

The best part about insomnia is it gives you more time to win every single argument you’ve ever had with someone in your head.

— Kashana (@kashanacauley) March 10, 2018

been doing one of those highly successful people habits. keeping my bed made. keeping my bed made by never going to sleep in the first place by having sleep disorder by way of highly successful anxiety

— tara shoe (@tarashoe) December 4, 2018

me: tomorrow’s
a long day gotta
get a good night’s
sleep. my brain: pic.twitter.com/1RMB4EOogR

— kim monte 🏳️🌈 (@KimmyMonte) June 30, 2019

I can't sleep
I'm bored
It's hot
It's hot
It's hot
I'm bored
It's hot
It's hot
Everything I've ever said to anyone is terrible

-- insomnia

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) August 28, 2017

should I use my insomnia for good or for evil or for eating half a pack of string cheese

— Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) September 27, 2015

Was up all night wondering if dogs get insomnia.

— EnvyDaTropic™ (@envydatropic) July 16, 2018

One time at a hotel, I ate a mini fridge chocolate bar, while sleepwalking.
My boyfriend at the time saw me do it and said he didn’t want to wake me to tell me not to eat the chocolate bar cause it would start an argument.
We argued about letting me eat a $12 Bounty bar anyway.

— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) May 21, 2018

Insomnia:
Me:
Insomnia:
Me:
Insomnia: “Cat’s In The Cradle” is a catchy tune, isn’t it?
Me:
Insomnia:
Me:
Insomnia: 🎶The cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon—
Me: I hate you.

— The Personification of Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) October 23, 2018

At the end of the day, my body is basically just a device for converting whiskey into night terrors.

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) May 10, 2012

My look today can best be described as I didn't sleep well last night.

— EnvyDaTropic™ (@envydatropic) June 19, 2019

Classy dog names:
Joan of Bark
Shia LeWoof
Charles Barkley
Woof Blitzer
Anderson Pooper
Arf-ony Hopkins
Kate Barkinsale

yes I have insomnia

— Robin Thede (@robinthede) November 25, 2016

2:00 AM - can't sleep
3:00 AM - can't sleep
4:00 AM - can't sleep
5:00 AM - can't sleep
5:57 AM - falls in slow motion down a dreamlike rabbit hole... the kind of sleep you only see in luxury mattress commercials
6:00 AM - ALARM

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) May 5, 2019

When you are awake at 4:30 in the morning for no GD reason and you check Twitter to find that (on the day you need her most) your good pal Ambien is being dragged through the mud pic.twitter.com/Uw7OB4ZYy1

— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) May 30, 2018

When people see you lying down with your eyes closed they still ask "Are you sleeping?" Me: "NO I'M TRAINING TO DIE."

— Joshua. (@SkaterJoshh) April 23, 2013

My wife just goes to sleep when she gets tired and it's the most impressed I ever am by anyone doing anything.

— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) August 8, 2017

Me: I'm going to sleep now!

My insomnia: That's cute, that really is.

— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) June 4, 2015

wonders if night terrors experienced during daytime napping should be considered deleted scenes. I was on the edge of my bed the whole time!

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 13, 2009

My grotesque sleeping schedule is a drawback on every day except New Year's Eve, when I can use my insomniac skill set to pass as a Young.

— Lauren O'Neal (@laureneoneal) January 1, 2019

Sleep study in the streets, sleep apnea in the sheets

— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) October 18, 2015

Me dropping my 10 yr off at her first day of school.
Me: Have fun.
Her: Bye. Where are you going?
Me: Back to sleep.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) September 4, 2014

thanks to my newly returned insomnia i just discovered that phone sex lines A - still exist, and B - still have awful commercials

— tracy the emotional support penguin (@brokeymcpoverty) September 24, 2018

Local Insomniac Has Been Looking Forward To Collapsing Into Bed All Day, Suddenly Wired At 10 PM, More At 11

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) January 3, 2019

ME: Why can’t I sleep?
CUP OF COFFEE FROM 4 PM: I’ve put together a list of everyone who might be mad at you.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) February 20, 2018

People with insomnia, how do you sleep at night

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 18, 2014