It’s natural after being in a couple to get stuck in a sex rut. Over time, the frequency and passion can dwindle for many couples.
According to a 2018 study, 25% of long-term couples had sex once a week. 16% had sex two to three times per week. 5% had sex four or more times per week. 17% had sex only once a month.
But with research showing that couples who have sex weekly are the happiest, it can really help your relationship, and your mental health, to switch things up in the intimacy department.
So with that, Gigi Engle, ACS, a certified sex educator and lead intimacy expert at 3Fun, has shared her top four tips for spicing up your sex life when things have gotten a little boring...
1. Role Play
“Role play is a really amazing way to get some of the energy back that you had at the beginning of a relationship. It can also add a layer of playfulness to sex that a lot of couples are missing in long-term relationships,” says Engle.
Apparently role-playing is quite popular, with 2,814 women and 2,302 men between the ages of 18 and 34 saying they’re most into playing strangers in the bedroom.
But how to get into it if you’ve never tried it? “Have an open and honest conversation about some of your fantasies,” suggests Engle. “Make the conversation about both you exploring and being open, so that everyone feels seen and heard.
“Role play is really accessible and fun — and yes, it can be awkward — but humans are awkward. Sex should be fun and silly sometimes. It doesn’t need to be super serious for it to be good.”
2. Explore other locations
As beautiful and relaxing as it might be, it can get a bit dull to have sex only in the bedroom. Something Engle agrees with: “I recommend getting down and dirty in your kitchen as a fun and unique way to make things a bit more interesting.”
Intrigued? She says you can use the rest of your home to your advantage. “Use the kitchen table or island, having the penetrated partner sitting on the edge while the other stands between their legs.
“You can also use kitchen utensils to your advantage. Simply grab a wooden spoon and suddenly you have a paddle to do a little kinky spanking.”
3. Masturbation is important
Masturbating should still be a part of your routine, whether you do it together, or alone.
“Masturbation is a healthy, normal part of life and it is totally OK to keep on masturbating when you’re in a relationship,” says Engle.
She says that it keeps your nerve endings primed and ready for all other partnered activities. Studies even show that women who masturbate more often are more interested in partnered sex overall.
4. Take the pressure off of orgasm
Sometimes we think of sex purely as a way to reach an end goal: the big O. But if you take the stress off and just simply enjoy spending that intimate time with your partner, you might find you get there easier.
“Orgasms are fun and if you want that to be your end game, that’s totally fine. It’s up to you. The thing is, if we only see successful sexual play as one that ends with an orgasm, you’ll wind up disappointed sometimes,” agrees Engle.
“Instead of making orgasm the end-all-be-all of sex, focus on pleasure. Pleasure is wonderful for its own sake. If something feels good, enjoy it. If you have an orgasm (or a few), great. If not, you still had a wonderful time.”