45 Tweets From Parents About Social Distancing With Kids

Our homeschool curriculum includes my lecture series entitled “Yes You Still Have to Brush Your Teeth Even Though We Aren’t Going Anywhere”

— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) March 18, 2020

[video call with my boss while working from home]

Boss: I need you to-

[4 kids run by: one on fire, one naked, 2 in ski masks and capes]

Boss: Never mind

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 18, 2020

I finally have this homeschool schedule figured out:
8 a.m.: Breakfast and not sure what to do next.
9 a.m.: Print online worksheets I’m really not sure about.
Noon: Unstructured “boredom” time to stimulate creativity.
3 p.m.: Fresh air. Survive.
5 p.m.: Beer’O’Clock

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) March 18, 2020

I dont know what everyone is complaining about - this *homeschool thing is a breeze.

*kids all still sleeping

— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) March 17, 2020

Hard to imagine how my kids were ever able to survive regular school days without 23 snacks.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 20, 2020

Check on your friends stuck in quarantine with kids that never stop talking.

We are NOT ok.

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) March 22, 2020

My son chose a REALLY CONVENIENT TIME to decide that “All Star” by Smash Mouth is not only his favorite song, but the ONLY song he is willing to listen to.

— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) March 23, 2020

Live-streaming church is a lot like regular church, except that I don’t have to whisper when I threaten my kids.

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) March 23, 2020

Me: wanna hear a joke?

Daughter: sure.

Me: knock knock : )

Daughter:

Me: knock knock.

Daughter:

Me: you’re supposed to say who’s there.

Daughter: I don’t care who’s there I’m not opening the door during a pandemic.

— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) March 21, 2020

Home school going swimmingly.

Me: "I've set you some questions. Number 1 why were the Egyptians the first civilisation?"

Daughter: "Dad the Sumerians were the first civilisation."

Me: "damn you're right"

— Sam Freedman (@Samfr) March 23, 2020

Our homeschooling curriculum includes: Honors Laundry and AP Vaccumming.

— The Next Martha (@TheNextMartha) March 16, 2020

Parent: What kind of tablet would you recommend as suitable for kids?

Me: Probably benadryl, valium if you're desperate. Any sedative will do in a pinch though.

Parent: I meant computer tablet.

Me: Erm.....yeah......obviously....#Quarantine #StaySafeStayHome

— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) March 19, 2020

I’m double quarantined. Quarantined in the house away from COVID, quarantined in my bedroom away from my son’s Tik Tok shoots.

— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) March 19, 2020

Quarantine Day One: This could be fun! I’ve always wondered what it would be like to homeschool!

Quarantine Day One [at breakfast]: SO HELP ME GOD, MOVE YOUR FOOT AWAY FROM YOUR BROTHER’S CEREAL BOWL OR I WILL FIND A SCHOOL IN THIS COUNTRY THAT IS OPEN AND DRIVE US THERE TODAY

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 16, 2020

Quarantine strategiespic.twitter.com/W3CqAKGhAP

— Scott Galloway (@profgalloway) March 18, 2020

I've been a little worried about my son's self esteem during quarantine, but he's convinced that the sun goes down while he's napping, so he's probably fine.

— Some Boys' Mother (@someboysmother) March 22, 2020

Before:
"I WANT THE BEST EDUCATION FOR MY CHILDREN"

Homeschooling:
"You know, I think I'm ok with my kids being dumb"

— Marl (@Marlebean) March 20, 2020

You haven't lived until you've heard a group of 1st graders shouting "mute yourself" and "i can't hear you, unmute yourself"

— kellan 🌊 (@kellan) March 23, 2020

me: you need to go wash your hands

son: because of the virus?

me: your hands are literally wedged inside your own butt right now

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 17, 2020

Parents! Please post the board games and non-iPad things you are doing with your kids this week so I can block you!

— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) March 22, 2020

Overheard my kids talking about how weird their teacher is.

I’m their teacher.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 18, 2020

Good news!

Just had an email from both schools saying that the websites that they are asking us to use to home school our children have crashed due to volume of traffic.

There is a god.

— Laurence Fox 🥦🦠 (@LozzaFox) March 23, 2020

Parents, don't dismiss your children's ability to grasp what's happening in the world right now. Talk to them. Inform them. My kids may only be toddlers, but after a long talk about hygiene they're pretending to wash their hands for twice as long as usual.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 16, 2020

I just got excited by a stray roll of toilet paper in the closet. My kids are playing quietly by themselves in separate rooms. I’m baking gluten free sugar free vegan banana bread.

*double checks*

Yep, the world is ending

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 15, 2020

As I sit in isolation for hours, planning to keep a safe distance from my family, I hear them outside the door, shouting words of encouragement.

Like my kids saying, "Make us breakfast!"

And my wife adding, "GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM. YOU AREN'T SICK!"

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) March 18, 2020

Its nice to know that even in the most uncertain of times, my son can FaceTime his friends and talk about diarrhea.

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) March 18, 2020

The one thing that sustains me is the hope that when this is all over and the dust has settled, I’ll be able to pay someone to watch my kids again.

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) March 22, 2020

Homeschooling day 1: trying to get this kid transferred out of my class.

— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) March 17, 2020

[quarantine day four]

Wife: what are you doing?

Me: teaching the kids how to sports bet.

Wife: but there are no sports right now.

Me: we’re doing which bird flies off the tree next.

Wife:

Me:

Wife: give me five bucks on the blue jay.

— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) March 16, 2020

Announcement: Please do not hold children responsible for what their non-teachers teach them over the course of this quarantine. I just spent the last hour teaching my kids all about the 9 PLANETS IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM. 🤦🏻♀️

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 20, 2020

Your kids are doing homeschool still wearing Christmas pajamas too right?

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 19, 2020

Family Quarantine Diary: Day 4
The kids and I are constantly playing hide-and-seek now. They don’t always know it, but we are.

— The Dad (@thedad) March 22, 2020

My kids are wrestling in the room, letting loose bloodcurdling screams every 5 minutes. My 9yo refuses to do any reading, my 4yo wants food we don't have, and the best I can offer is a 15 minute dance party in between work calls. Fuck you & your color-coded home-school schedules!

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 16, 2020

My son is chasing his sister around the house with a piece of lizard poop how is your quarantine going?

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 21, 2020

Teachers, many of you have posted that I could come to you for help. Thank you! I’m trying to figure out the perfect home school schedule and I need advice. What time should I pencil in my first martini, is it usually before or after morning snack?

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 17, 2020

Someday our kids will have kids. Those kids will complain that they're bored and want to go somewhere.

So our kids will tell their kids about the time they couldn't leave their house for a month because of a pandemic.

This is our kids "2 mile walk in the snow uphill" moment.

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) March 18, 2020

I told the kids we we were starting homeschool at 9am and they all are hiding from me in their rooms with the doors locked so is this winning? It feels like winning.

— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) March 23, 2020

It’s the 6th day of homeschooling, so naturally, the word of the day starts with the letter F.

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) March 23, 2020

Day 4 of quarantine: I asked my 10 year-old daughter to teach me the renegade dance. Five minutes into it I violently hit my glasses off my own face. We’re taking a short break for my safety.

— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) March 19, 2020

My thanks to the people at LEGO for keeping my son and I busy (this was supposed to be The Lincoln Memorial). pic.twitter.com/txlpqCNfAy

— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) March 18, 2020

No school, Day 1

7:15am: we have puzzles, activity books, stickers... we’ll get through this!

8:03am: *googles boarding schools with no coronavirus*

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) March 16, 2020

10 am, or as my kids know it:

The hour mom gives up

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 19, 2020

Here is my toddler homeschooling schedule. Any questions?

8-10am: frozen
10-12pm: frozen 2
*lunch*
1-3: frozen
3-5:frozen 2
*dinner*
6-8pm: frozen
*bed*

— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) March 16, 2020

IDK who needs to hear this but don’t wait until the end of the quarantine to discover you never pulled your kid’s lunch out of her backpack.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 22, 2020

Social distancing day 4:

My daughter has discovered a newfound love of whistling.

help

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 18, 2020

I’m wondering how long this home school thing will go. Like, will I have to teach my kids med school?

— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) March 18, 2020