Hello Shoppers! Barry Morgan from Barry Morgan's World Of Organs here and yes I'm on route to Scotland from the Sunnyside Mall in the city of churches Adelaide, Australia to sell my organ at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
Ladies and gentlemen let me be honest with you this is my virginal voyage abroad and after spending nearly 24hrs high in the sky in what seems to be a "modern as tomorrow" Concorde, I am feeling quite delirious. (Note to self: Barry, send a message to Jamie Oliver, explaining that the plane food could do with a bit of sprucing up! Yes a recipe or two from Barry's tremendous "Catering for the Home Organ Party" pack featuring Australia's favourite fruit, freshly tinned pineapple rings.)
My trip up above the clouds is brought to a grinding halt once I hit customs at Heathrow! I fumble and falter after taking the wrong line, embarrassment ensues and with bright rosy cheeks I retreat to the men's room to gather myself with both hands. I brush off my 100% polyester Safari Suit and once again take up another line. Ah that's better. This time I get further than I did before and officers Feversham and Polwarth take me gently through the whole process, which is not unlike the many initiations to the O.L.L.A. (The Organ Lovers League Of Australia).
I am stamped firmly by officer Polwarth and find I am still able bodied enough to make my departure from Heathrow and out into the summer glare of a typical English foggy day. I board a bus going down on to the docks ...yes I am off to the wharf to release the organ and the Toyota Crown Royal Saloon from the seamen who safely navigated around Cape Horn and up into the North Atlantic. But alas! The bus driver has taken a wrong turn at the top of the hill and I end up in the village of the athletes and the rings of the XXX Olympiad!
Let me be honest with you shoppers I'm really not the sporting type, but that's not to say I don't enjoy waving the flag and cheering on from the grandstand. I make several enquiries as to whether the Olympics has any room for an organist from down under and am met with a closed sign on the door! (figuratively speaking of course)
Never mind it would only keep me from my mission, to sell the organ in Scotland, share the joy of my "one finger method" and return home to Australia with lots of tartan, Morgan tartan to be precise.
Hooray! I find my way back along the banks of the river and I can just see the headlines tomorrow "Barry Morgan's organ comes up the Thames on a tug". We three are reunited at last, myself (the ultimate organ salesman), the Hammond (the ultimate spinet organ), and my trusty Toyota Crown Royal Saloon (oh, it's a lovely motorcar)! I sign on the dotted line and with next to no fuss I am in the streets of London preparing for the journey ahead, north to Edinburgh!
I de-wax the Crown, strap the organ to the roof racks, make a thermos of tea, grab a few Anzac biscuits (stored in a Tupperware container in the boot) and head out onto the open road feeling quite chuffed with my efforts.
My goodness shoppers, I am taking in all the sights and I veer off to the left and pay a spiritual visit to the ultimate theatre organ experience in Blackpool (Did I pack my Cosies?). I'll be in Scotland in a few days and I am hot for a sale, I can feel it in my waters.
I hope to be seeing you at one of my fabulous organ demonstrations and bring your money shoppers, the organ is for sale.
Bye for now and remember.... a dog is for Christmas.... an organ is for life!