We can tell we are a mostly civilized society because we have cake. Cake can be temperamental, the ingredients need to be measured, its consistency is affected by humidity and then there is the question of frosting the thing. It takes patience, resolve, a desire to light people's eyes up with spectacle. What we are getting at is that cake is special.
But, hierarchy applies to everything, and some cakes are more special than others. Some cakes are not special. Some cakes, like the ones at the very, very end of this list are blights upon other cakes. So now, for humanity and science, we bring you the best cakes, in order from worst to best.
25. Kwanzaa Cake
This cake needs to die. This cake is the anti-cake. This cake makes us wonder if any other cakes should ever have been baked.
24. Rainbow Cake
23. German Chocolate Cake
22. Fruitcake
21. Black Forest Cake
20. Tres Leches Cake
19. King Cake
Love the tradition, hate the dry, sugary reality.
18. Red Velvet Cake
Guys, listen closely, we only want to say this one more time: IT. IS. JUST. FOOD COLORING.
17. Angel Food Cake
16. Jelly Roll Cake
15. Almond Cake
14. Pineapple Upside Down Cake
This cake is America. Deal with it.
13. Chocolate Cake
This cake is boring. Deal with it.
12. Vanilla Cake
Yep, even more boring than vanilla cake. Deal with it.
11. Apple Cake
10. Funfetti Cake
9. Molten Chocolate Cake
8. Flourless Chocolate Cake
7. Buche de Noel
6. Pound Cake
5. Carrot Cake
4. Coffee Cake
Breakfast cake? Yes, we think so.
3. Coconut Cake
2. Olive Oil Cake
1. Devil's Food Cake