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You’re reading How To Get Off, our series celebrating bodies, pleasure, fantasy.
Sorry to go all cliché on you, but sometimes the best kind of love is the kind you give to yourself. And yes, this can mean reading self-help books, shunning bad dates in favour of nights in and asking for that pay rise you really deserve, but sometimes it might mean investing in some bedroom hardware that will have you feeling all kinds of empowered.
Whether you’re in a relationship but still enjoy going solo every now and then, or are single and looking for a way to increase your orgasms without giving yourself repetitive strain injury, we’ve rounded up the crème-de-la-crème of the sex toy world. From vibrators for beginners to put some buzz into your V-Day to heaven sent self-stimulators that mimic the feeling of oral, there’s something for everyone.
Yes, we know it’s Valentine’s Day but, as Eva Longoria once said: ‘The best sex I have ever had is with my vibrator.’ And who are we to argue with that?
This soft silicone number has been specifically engineered to absorb sonic waves and transmit them back into your body, around your clitoris, for a deep, yet surprisingly gentle, sensation. It’s got a slew of five-star reviews online and I have several friends (ahem) that can vouch for it, too.
ORA 3 Deep Rose, Lelo, £130
Yes, it’s pricey, but so is ordering countless tubs of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream when the date you hung your orgasm hopes on flakes at the last minute. This new-age sex toy simulates the feeling of oral stimulation and is a mind-blowing combo of vibration patterns and an ultra-smooth rotating node – you’ll feel like you’ve got someone in bed with you.
The Desire Rabbit is the evolved sibling of the infamous Rampant Rabbit. With a silken silicone shaft and ears to stimulate both inside and outside, this powerful sex toy has eight patterns and pulses to choose from, as well as 12 levels of adjustable intensity. Who cares about red roses anyway?
Anal play can feel intimidating, but this starter dildo is the way to go if you’re curious. The long, soft ribbed shaft and tapered tip allow for an easier insertion and a heady experience once you’ve found your rhythm with it. It’s the sex toy equivalent of Pringles: once you pop, you can’t stop.
We couldn’t have a Valentine’s Day roundup without including a heart somewhere, although this one comes in the form of a heart-shaped vibrator. Perfect if you’re looking for love that keeps on giving, this handheld vibrator has 10 different vibration settings and its ridge delivers more intense pleasure while the nodules bring softer sensations. We’re totally loved up!
This pocket-sized vibrator means that you can take the fun with you and, in theory, have it anytime, anywhere. You’re the master of your own fate with this one as you control how, and where, the vibrations hit depending on how you angle the soft ears or pointed nose. You’ll never be able to look at a bunny in the same way again.
Get straight to the point – no need for small talk – with this targeted clitoral stimulator. Simply push the button and enjoy seven speeds of vibrations and a body-tensing orgasm at the end of it. The Ben & Jerry’s can wait, this is where the party’s at.
I love the name of this vibrator, and love even more that it’s biodegradable; feel good while you do good, eh? It’s powerful, it’s portable and its slimline shaft means you can play pain free from the get-go.
Get comfy this Valentine’s Day with a seated-vibrator. With 10 different settings to choose from, you needn’t worry about warming up your wrists, just sit down and wiggle about – you’ll soon find your rhythm. Plus, it’s worth it for the joy of knowing you’ll definitely get a seat instead of queueing at the bar for an hour drinking overpriced Negronis while you wait.
An oldie (not literally), but a goodie, this bodywand clitoral stimulator delivers powerful orgasms every.single.time. You can charge it via USB - so need to scramble around for batteries – and its textured grip means that you can easily control where you want it to go. In fact, I’m officially renaming this to ‘magic wand’.
How To Get Off is our answer to Valentine’s Day, celebrating bodies, pleasure and fantasy – whatever your relationship status. We’ll be exploring what really gets us off in 2020, looking at sexual awakenings, toys and erotica, and real-life experience.