I have often worked with clients who were completely unaware how much work would go into regaining their partners trust after they cheated on them. Cheating on your partner can be the lowest from of disrespect that a person can inflict on someone they say that they care about. This form of betrayal can be very difficult for the other person to move on from – especially when they know that the person they love has willingly inflicted pain.
Whether you choose to stay with them or not – there is a long and difficult road ahead to work to regain that trust.
Methods of moving on
One of the reasons it can be so difficult to move on is because the betrayal has rocked the very foundation that you have built your life on. It can change your entire perspective on the person – and cause irreparable emotional and mental damage. It might seem impossible to move on knowing that someone could willingly inflict pain on you. But it is entirely possible to move on and find happiness.
Many people do find the strength to trust in people again given time, patience, and in some cases therapy. The best hope for recovery is to allow yourself the time and space to heal.
Three key things that you can do
Something I have learnt both from my clients and myself – is that life is too short to waste on past events. There is absolutely no need to feel obligated to listen to what they have to say, give them another chance – or even forgive them.
Here are some of the key things you can do to move on –
1. Talk to someone
Share your experience with others. Even if they have never been through the same thing, it can help to realise that there are other people listening. A GP or therapist is better for offering professional advice and assisting you through the difficult period.
2. Focus on acceptance
Rather than thinking about how things should have been – focus on accepting the way things are right now. This way, you can fully come to terms with the situation and live in the present. Only by leaving the past behind can you move on to a better and happier life.
3. Remember that the best revenge is to be completely fulfilled and happy
Stop harbouring negative feelings towards the person who betrayed you – but for your own sake, not theirs. Keeping negative emotions bottled up is not beneficial to you at all. Instead, remember that the best way to get revenge is not by hurting them – that shows them that you still care. Instead, live your best possible life and leave the past far behind you…
Hélene Fermont is a novelist and practicing psychologist. Her latest book His Guilty Secret will be available from Amazon, priced £9.99 in paperback and £3.99 as an e-book. For more information see helenefermont.com