You might have the kind of kid who has colour-coded and organised all of their notebooks to get ready for the first day of school, or the kind of kid who will throw everything in their backpack as they’re running out the door to make the bus, but most children will encounter one challenge or another as they transition back to school after summer break.
“Change is hard for all of us, and that includes the change from the summer schedule and routines to the school schedule,” Ariana Hoet, executive clinical director of the Kids Mental Health Foundation, told HuffPost.
Here are some of the issues that typically crop up for kids at the beginning of a new school year, and some ways that parents can offer support.
Adjusting to new schedules
“We may see kids having a hard time getting back on their sleep schedule, which may mean sleepy kiddos that show difficulty in regulating their emotions or behaviours,” Hoet said, adding that a “rushed morning routine” and packed after-school schedule can also lead to an increase in conflict between parents and kids. Talking about expectations for the year beforehand, “like getting homework done before screen time,” she said, can be helpful.
“Your kiddo can have a hard time adjusting to going to bed sooner, waking up earlier, and staying focused throughout the day,” echoed psychologist Lauren Cook.
Beginning this transition a week or two before school starts is a good idea. “You can start small, for example moving the bedtime and wake up time by 15 minutes each day,” Hoet said.
At the same time, if a child is experiencing anxiety around the return to school, it can make getting sleep more difficult. “A child may have nightmares or trouble sleeping, especially falling asleep,” Leah Orchinik, a paediatric psychologist at Nemours Children’s Hospital in Delaware, told HuffPost.
Social concerns
“Insecurity around friendships is another common issue. Many kids worry about being bullied, being left out, or simply ‘not being cool,’” Cook said.
“Fear of not fitting in is a common worry, especially if you’ve moved to a new school district or your child is entering high school,” Orchinik said. These may seem like minor issues to parents, but “fears about making new friends, being accepted by their peers, or handling new social dynamics can all be significant stressors for kids.”
Kids may obsess about things like what to wear or how many likes their posts are getting on social media. “If you see them getting pulled deeper into social media use, that’s a clue that you may need to set stronger boundaries in place, particularly as the school year is starting,” Cook said.
Kids may also have concerns about bullying or even their own safety. Make sure they know who they go to for help when they need it while they are at school.
If your child does face a bullying situation, Orchinik suggested that instead of telling your child to “toughen up” or fight back, you address the situation with the school in a serious manner.
“When bullying happens, suggest that they keep a calm face, walk away and tell an adult at school,” Orchinik advised.
Academic concerns
“Worries about handling schoolwork, keeping up with assignments, or understanding new material can cause stress for many kids,” Orchinik said. Emotional issues, health issues, or worries about bullying can also impact a child’s academic performance, so it’s important to see the whole picture of what’s going on in order to figure out the best way to resolve the issue.
If academic issues persist, “You and/or your child might talk to their school counsellor, have your child meet with a psychologist to determine if there are any other challenges that should be evaluated.”
How parents can help their kids adjust to going back to school
If your child is experiencing anxiety, it may manifest in physical symptoms such as insomnia, stomachaches or a change in mood.
“Anxiety and gastrointestinal issues go hand and hand so get curious about this connection before you think it’s solely a physical issue,” Cook said.
If anxiety is the cause, you can help by providing your child with a space to talk about their feelings.
“We don’t ever want to invalidate or dismiss a child’s feelings,” Hoet said. “Even if something does not appear important to us, to a child their school and peers can be really important. Take the time to listen, empathise and validate.”
You might also tell them about times in your life when you felt nervous, and how you dealt with this.
Cook noted, “Sometimes the best conversations happen in the car or on walks where your kid or teen doesn’t have to make direct eye contact at first. This can make it feel safer to share.”
Establishing routines for kids to follow in the morning and after school is also helpful.
If your child is feeling anxious about things that will be new this school year, you can help acclimate them through exposure by, for example, practicing the walk to the bus stop or school, visiting their new classroom or meeting their teacher, Hoet suggested.
If your child is so anxious that they are refusing to go to school, it can be tempting to let them stay home — but this won’t help them deal with the anxiety, and in fact may make it worse. Instead, Hoet advised, “validate a child’s emotion, teach them coping tools for their fear/anxiety, and then encourage them to go to school.”
Cook emphasised that parents can reassure children that their concerns are normal. “One of teens and kids’ biggest fears is that they are different or weird. Reminding them that everyone feels insecure at times and that we all have strange things our brains and bodies do sometimes will help them feel less alone — and much more likely to share with you what’s going on,” she said.
When talking to your child, you also want to avoid overreacting (which may increase their anxiety), comparing them to siblings or peers or “taking over” by offering advice or trying to fix the problem for them, Orchinik said. Instead, ask them what they think they could do or say in a given situation and help them explore their options. This will “encourage their independence and problem-solving abilities,” Orchinik said.
“Sometimes just listening to kids can be very powerful,” she said, noting that if you child continues to struggle, or their worries are getting in the way of their daily functioning, you can ask your child’s paediatrician or mental health provider for support.
Maintaining a connection with your child will give them opportunities to talk with you. “Do things you both enjoy and find ways to smile together. Ask what’s on their minds, listen patiently with your full attention,” Orchinik advised.
You don’t always have to discuss things that are worrying them and can also focus on the positive. Orchinik suggested that you ask what’s going well and what they’re looking forward to — both in and outside of school.