New data shared with exclusively with HuffPost UK has revealed the most common reasons why children aged 7-12 years old feel anxious.
Worries about going to school, fear of making mistakes and being scared of the dark are the most common concerns, according to the data from BFB Labs – a mental health company using tech to help young children manage anxiety.
As part of the onboarding process for its mental health game Lumi Nova, 10,000 children disclosed what they were most anxious about, which then informed their treatment programme.
Data from the game found the most common worries affecting primary school children are:
- Worries about going to school
- Fear of making mistakes
- Fear of the dark
- Fear of sleeping alone
- Fear of making new friends.
Here, Manjul Rathee, founder at BFB Labs, walks us through how we can help children who are struggling with some of the above worries.
1. Worries about going to school
Children have been worried about going to school since, well, schools existed.
But Rathee suggests increased “emotional and mental health difficulties and the widening attainment gap since the pandemic, along with additional pressures created by social media” can make going to school feel “even more daunting” nowadays.
If your child has expressed concerns about going to school, the CEO advises parents to remain calm so your child feels comfortable sharing their worries with you.
“Make it clear that they’re not in trouble and that you want to help,” she says. “Start by asking open-ended questions like, ‘What part of school is making you worried?‘, or ‘What’s your favourite thing about school?’ and ‘What’s your least favourite part?’.”
Once you have a sense of what might be driving their anxiety, you can break it down into smaller, manageable steps.
Child psychologist Dr Josh Harwood advises parents not to dismiss a child’s fears – even though they might seem irrational to you. “Let them know that you are always there for them, and will help with their stress and anxiety,” he wrote in an article on the topic.
It can be helpful to work together with your child to think about what practical things you can do to make school feel less daunting for them, Rathee suggests.
“In some cases, there might also be things you as a parent can talk to the school about, too.”
2. Fear of making mistakes
Nobody particularly likes making mistakes, but for children in particular, it can feel like a very big deal.
Rathee suggests parents can help by praising their child’s efforts, even (and especially) when things aren’t perfect.
For example, you might say, “I’m proud of how hard you worked on this” rather than celebrating your child getting the correct answer.
“To push your child to try new things on their own, encourage them to challenge negative thoughts like ‘I can’t do this’ or ‘I’ll never get it right,’” she says.
“Ask, ‘What makes you think this?’ and then help them reframe it.” It might help to reflect together on what went wrong, and how they can change it next time.
It can also help to demonstrate that you love your child unconditionally – even when they make mistakes or use poor judgment, according to Big Life Journal.
And speak about instances where you’ve made mistakes or draw attention to the things you get wrong, so your child knows that nobody’s perfect.
3. Fear of the dark
Most children begin to fear the dark around the age of two or three, and this fear can last for years. According to Web MD, the best thing for parents to do if their child is scared of the dark is “communicate, be respectful and show you understand”.
“A useful technique for addressing fear of the dark is helping children to think about it differently,” says Rathee.
“Encourage your child to reflect on their thoughts by asking them what it is that they find particularly scary. Gently guide them in challenging these thoughts by offering a more balanced perspective, such as, ‘The dark is simply the absence of light; nothing has changed.’”
It’s important to avoid calling your child “silly” over such a fear because this will only make them feel shame as well.
“Gradual exposure [to darkness] can also be effective in helping them adjust,” says Rathee.
“Begin by using a nightlight, and then gradually dim the light over time, allowing your child to build comfort and confidence at their own pace.
“Additionally, establishing a calming bedtime routine, such as reading a story or engaging in deep breathing exercises, can signal to your child that bedtime is a safe and relaxing experience.”
Help and support:
- Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
- Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
- CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
- The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
- Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.