Musicians Like Me Are Losing Work, And Purpose. I’m Worried About Our Mental Health

Careers that we’ve dedicated ourselves to, that have defined us, may not return to normal. How could this not create an industry-wide feeling of fear?
Musicians playing the violin close up.
Musicians playing the violin close up.
papa42 via Getty Images

For those of us in the performing arts sector, we find ourselves as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic looking at our industry with a very different reality.

There are concerns across the sector: financial strains, threat of closure to venues and organisations, the unknown viability of live performances, even whether there’ll be sufficient audience for the arts to continue. Combine this with frequent changing updates and forecasts for the future and we find ourselves at a crisis point.

I pause, however, to look at the effects that this pandemic is having on our mental health. As a professional freelance violinist, I am experiencing these effects first hand, but as a performance mentor I’m also working with clients who are experiencing these same effects. Suddenly, we’re aligned in a way that life doesn’t usually present, creating an unexpected togetherness and sense of solidarity as we plot our way through this.

The effects on mental health are significant and profound: both anxiety and stress levels have risen as many in arts and culture continue to face huge, even complete loss of income, while facing a very uncertain future as an entire industry. When will we return? What will the future for our careers look like? How long will the devastation last?

“We have to sit and watch other sectors going back, with no idea what’s in store for ours.”

We’re therefore dealing with the unknown – and fear of the unknown can be a major trigger of anxiety and stress. We’re also facing a loss of control as our industry has been shut down and as of yet can’t re-open (at least not in any meaningful way). Instead, we have to sit and watch other sectors going back, with no idea what’s in store for ours. The government’s injection of £1.57billion to protect the cultural, arts and heritage institutions is a much-needed boost for us all in the sector, but concerns remain as to how far this will go – and of course it won’t extend to individuals such as freelancers.

Those in the performing arts live a very unique routine that for all of us now looks very different. There’s not only a loss of the social element of my work – the orchestra I play in is like a big family, going through so much together as we work and travel – but the loss of the playing routine is significant too. We are used to the important and necessary continual development of our highly-honed skills, and not being able to play together in order to maintain our world class standard is challenging. For many of my colleagues, this is leading to a real lack of motivation and sense of isolation, not to mention the anxieties and loss of confidence that will likely arise through this detached period as we lose our exposure to the high pressure environment and frequency of performing which keeps us at the top of our game.

And it makes looking to the future difficult too. Those in the performing arts are faced with the uncertainty and fear that they may even need to step away from their highly-skilled job – something which they’ve not only dedicated themselves to but also define them – and tide themselves over with something completely removed from their profession in order to pay the bills. How could this not create an industry-wide feeling of fear?

“When orchestras can go back, assuming they will even survive, it will be a long time before I’m be called for work.”

My experience is not unique, and I know others in the sector are experiencing different and even more challenging realities. Aside from performing, I make my living from performance mentoring and violin teaching too. While I have lost the majority of my income, I have benefited from the greatly appreciated government grant – I am lucky, many people haven’t due to falling between the cracks, leaving them in serious financial distress whose only options has been to rely on the kindness of those who have donated to emergency funds such as Help Musicians UK, Musician’s Union Coronavirus Hardship Fund etc.

But even benefiting from this grant, I am faced with the question of how long this will have to last? It’s highly stressful – when orchestras can go back, assuming they will even survive, it will be a long time before I’m called for work.

I have taken control of what I can, but this doesn’t take me far. I have had to accept my vulnerable position. Do I feel lost? Yes. Do I feel worried? Yes. Do I know how I will cope? Not really. To suddenly find myself questioning my route forwards, taking me away from work that was well-developed and reliable is like a rug suddenly being pulled out from underneath me. I can’t draw upon experience or knowledge to lead me forwards on this one. We’re all stepping forwards into unknown and scary territory.

Amy Littlewood is a violinist and performance mentor. For more information on her work, visit ppmentoring.co.uk and performingartswellbeing.co.uk

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