Dating in today’s world is difficult enough. From constantly trying to meet each other’s expectations, dealing with all of those new dating icks, to maintaining long-term relationships that may be going through the ringer – you’re probably asking yourself: what’s the secret to success?
Well, you might want to hear about the 80/20 rule.
What’s the history of the 80/20 rule? Forbes explains the concept comes from Vilfredo Federico Damaso Pareto, who was born in Italy in 1848. He would go on to become an important philosopher and economist.
“Legend has it that one day he noticed that 20% of the pea plants in his garden generated 80% of the healthy pea pods. This observation caused him to think about uneven distribution.
“He thought about wealth and discovered that 80% of the land in Italy was owned by just 20% of the population. He investigated different industries and found that 80% of production typically came from just 20% of the companies.”
What does this have to do with anything?
A man contacted the @GiveItToMeStraight podcast to complain about his girlfriend, after feeling like they’d been together for ten years.
“Everything felt nice at the beginning, and is still nice,” the man said. “The problem is I can’t feel anything towards her other than the feelings of cosiness, warmness, and all kinds of married for ten years.
“I don’t know if I’m lucky that I found someone I’m comfortable with and who knows me so well and if I should just shut the fuck up or I’m still too young to be in a lame relationship and life has more passion and feelings to experience.”
Let’s introduce the 80/20 rule, shall we?
When it comes to relationships, LadBible explains “the 80/20 rule relates to the idea that one person can’t meet all of our needs all the time.”
They say, since honeymoon periods are just periods after all, this should help prevent feelings of resentment by managing expectations – meaning your relationship may be great 80 percent of the time, while the other 20 might not be as ideal.
Life-coach and celebrity relationship expert Sloan Sheridan Williams told Glamour. “anything that encourages balance in a relationship is always a positive step forward.”
“The key to a healthy relationship is to raise your standards and lower your expectations. Lowering your expectations for 20% of the relationship which will create enough flexibility to allow a relationship to continue and grow.”
Regain US, a relationship therapy website weighs in: “If you want to be happy as an individual and in your relationship, an 80/20 rule relationship can make a lot of sense.”
“If you focus all your attention on your partner, you might not give enough attention to yourself. Giving yourself that 20 percent can be critical to your wellbeing. At the same time, giving 80 percent to your partner can truly make you a happier person.”