I love autumn. One sight of a brunette leaf or a golden 7 pm sunset and I’m all in – cardi on, pumpkin spice latte clasped with both hands, tartan scarf at the ready.
This time of year has also earned a reputation as being “cuffing season”, the time when singles hunker down for the winter with their new beau.
If you’re finding yourself decidedly uncuffed as the colder months roll in, it’s normal to feel hyper-aware of being single, counsellor Rychel Johnson said in collaboration with Condoms.uk ― especially if that’s not your goal.
“As cuffing season kicks into high gear and you start noticing more friends eagerly couple up for the winter, it can definitely sting a bit watching from the sidelines without a plus-one yourself”, she shared.
“Especially after being swept up in all the hustle and distraction of summer wedding mania, the change of seasons somewhat forces you to confront your solo status in a whole new way.”
What should you do if you’re feeling ‘left behind’?
Not everyone wants a relationship or feels like they’re “lagging” because they’re not in one. But if you do, Johnson wants you to remember you’re not alone.
“It’s important to remember that this feeling is shared by many singles navigating the same landscape,” she told HuffPost UK.
“Those real or imagined pangs of being left behind can really start creeping in as the temperatures drop and opportunities for cosy intimacy become top of mind.”
But racing to date because ”’tis the season” is unlikely to help, she adds.
“What you need to keep in mind is that this is actually the perfect window for some quality self-reflection before you feel tempted to latch onto the first available warm body”, the counsellor shared.
“The key is resisting that fear-based urge to hastily cuff someone, anyone, simply out of dread over long, lonely winter nights ahead. These insecure moves rarely lead anywhere fulfilling in the long run.”
If it helps, a poll found that most happily married couples met in March – those who were unhappily married disproportionately got together in November.
Autumn can be a great time to build yourself up
Cool, craft-filled autumn is a pretty good time to get to know yourself, Johnson added.
“What you need to keep in mind is that this is actually the perfect window for some quality self-reflection”, she shared.
“Instead, why not use these quieter months to go inward and work on fortifying that solid self-love foundation ― lean into building resilience around just being comfortably alone with yourself,” the counsellor added.
“Face those lingering insecurities or voids head-on that your unpartnered status might be amplifying.”
“From that wholehearted space, any intimate connection you do welcome in simply becomes the delightful finishing touch to your already vibrant solo journey.”