With cuffing season in full swing and many of us looking forward to the new year, you might be thinking of your resolutions not just for life in general, but also for dating.
And according to the experts at Hinge, the one habit you want to get practicing now is emotional vulnerability.
Yup - as terrifying as it sounds, being an open book is more attractive to daters than looks, income or height.
In fact, a whopping 93% of Hinge daters say they would prefer to date someone who’s emotionally vulnerable.
Despite this, only 36% of male users say they open up on a first date, with 40% saying they avoid sharing their feelings because they worry it might be a turn-off to their prospective partner.
Turns out, they couldn’t be more wrong – 84% of daters think it’s a green flag when men open up about their values and 65% say men chatting about their feelings is hot.
If you’ve sworn that the next time you open up to someone is your autopsy, it’s time to U-turn and learn to be a bit more vulnerable (shudders).
So how do we strike the balance between being open and honest without accidentally plunging into oversharing?
“The trick is to let someone in, but without revealing too much information,” explains Logan Ury, Hinge’s director of relationship science.
“While there aren’t hard and fast rules, understand that some more personal things about yourself should only be shared when someone has earned your trust. Dating is a dance where you move towards each other and deepen your connection.”
By being open yourself on a first date, you’re likely to make your date feel at ease and open up themselves, says Ury. She advises asking your date a personal question, before following up with more, encouraging them to go deeper.
She adds: “For example, if they talk about their job, say ‘What surprises you most about your career?’ or ‘What would 16-year-old you think of what you’re doing now?’. You can use thoughtful questions to shape the conversation.”
If you sense they don’t feel comfortable with what you’re asking, reverse and head down a less vulnerable path.
Crucially, if someone does share with you, it’s important to validate them doing so, says Ury. It doesn’t need to be a huge reaction either - “You can smile, thank them for trusting you, and ask a follow-up question to show you’re interested.”