We’ve read plenty about red flags (and pink flags) when it comes to dating. And we get it, it’s important to look out for the warning signs that a relationship could be dangerous or toxic.
But sex and relationship therapist Ness Cooper wants to remind us all that dating should be fun. If you’re really hoping to find long-term love, it’ll help to go in with a positive, open heart and look out for some green flags, too.
“When you go on a first date it’s easy to look out for more red flags than green flags as you’re nervous,“ says Cooper, who’s a sexologist at The Sex Consultant and has recently teamed up with Lovehoney.
“It’s important to look out for both as it can help you make a solid judgement afterwards whether or not you feel comfortable seeing that individual again.
“Green flags aren’t to be mistaken with making the relationship perfect or feeling happiness 100% of the time, as no relationship is perfect, but a green flag can be where you’re able to both work through any problems that do arise, together.”
Below, she’s shared 10 green flags she thinks all daters should look out for. They’re not a guarantee of a happy relationship, but they’re definitely a sign you might catch the feels.
1. Being present in the moment
Being present in the moment is important and if they‘ve taken the time to put their phone down and pay attention to you this can be a sign that they are really into you.
2. They’re listening
Not just listening, but actively listening and responding with empathy. You’ll find when someone is really listening, the conversation can feel more natural and have a better flow to it.
3. Plenty of eye contact
You’re both able to form eye contact on and off throughout the night. This can mean you’re feeling safe in each other’s company, plus added bonus is you’ll both be sharing moments that help produce bonding chemicals and strengthen any future relationship you form.
4. They are willing to compromise
Even during first dates, there will be moments where you both may disagree on slight matters such as food choices to discussing hobbies and more. Comprising is a good green flag, rather than them flagging you down for not being into the same things, it’s positive when you both can see that differences don’t matter and you can work through them even early on.
5. They compliment you
It doesn’t always have to be about looks, but if your date says positive words about your looks or personality, it’s a good sign they like you.
6. You can both be individuals
It’s very tempting to go straight into the “we” of a relationship even on a first date, but a green flag is when you accept that you are both individuals too. A date should be a healthy combination of we, I, and you.
7. They respect your boundaries
We all have boundaries and even on a first date we often go in with a set of limits that if overstepped we’re not comfortable. Whilst your date may be learning about your boundaries, when they do find out about them, they should respect them and not push through them.
8. They can control unwanted emotions
Even on first dates, individuals may get jealous of other interactions that may happen between you and others. It’s a green flag when they’re able to control these in a healthy manner, rather than leading to negative confrontations and outbursts.
9. Encouragement for your passions
On a first date, it’s common to share future goals such as study or work-related. If they take the time to share your passion and even comment words of encouragement this is a green flag that they’re hoping you’re happy in the future.
10. Lots of laughter
If you’re able to laugh together this can be a sign that you’re both very comfortable with each other and are able to share things in a way that is fun and relaxed.