Love is a beautiful thing. It can help to lower your blood pressure, improve your heart health, and even make you less likely to get sick (yes, really). But the question of who says those three words first can loom large at the start of a relationship.
We already know that the average couple takes surprisingly short two-ish months to declare their adoration. But when it comes to WHO says it, new research published in the SAGE Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that men in heterosexual relationships are generally more likely to pour their heart out first.
The study involved 3,109 adults
Researchers gave 3,109 adults from Australia, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, France, Poland, and the UK online questionnaires to fill out about their partner. Over 70% of the participants were women, and 85% of all participants were heterosexual.
In every country except France, men were more likely than women (when in a heterosexual relationship) to say “I love you” first. Women typically announced their amour on day 122, while men typically dropped the L-bomb on day 107.
“However, no sex differences were observed in the duration before thinking about confessing love or level of happiness at hearing a love confession, revealing a sex difference in speech acts but not the accompanying emotional response to a love confession,” the study found ― suggesting that men in heterosexual relationships tend to speak up first, regardless of mutual feelings.
The “male confession bias” seems to be real
The proclivity of men to speak up about their love first is referred to as the “male confession bias,” and has been noted (in American society) in other studies.
One theory as to why this happens is that, given that it’s harder and less common for women to leave their children than men, “Women could avoid the greater costs of a potential poor mate choice by setting a relatively higher threshold than men do in displaying commitment or investment, all else equal.”
In other words, men might need to work a little harder to prove their commitment.
“Consistent with this proposal, American men, on average, are more likely than American women to say “I love you” first in a romantic relationship (the “male confession bias”), and are happier than women to hear their partner confess love,” they add.
On that happiness point ― hearing “I love you” affects those with different attachment styles differently
Somewhat unsurprisingly, those with an avoidant attachment style were less pleased by the romantic announcement than others. “avoidant people were less happy to hear a love confession than less avoidant people... while anxiously attached people were happier to hear a love confession than less anxious people, with this latter effect very small,” the study found.
However, attachment style didn’t appear to affect how LONG it took participants to receive, or give, romantic confessions ― “Contrary to predictions, we observed no robust relationships where respondent attachment style predicted the difference between partners in their timing of a love confession.”
Being clear about your feelings is very, very good for a relationship
”The feeling of love predicts desire, sympathy, and commitment by facilitating trust and improving how couples resolve conflict. Commitment, in turn, both predicts and causes forgiveness in relationships and lowers anxiety in response to stress when we feel supported. Moreover, expressions of love and acts of affection enhance commitment and predict stable marital bonds,” the study said.
So, here’s to more mush in 2023, please...