There’s something about dreams that feels more true and real than a daytime fantasy, isn’t there?
Maybe it’s got to do with the fact that you have no control over what you think ― and, because you’re asleep, no other stimuli to focus on when they’re happening.
All of which is to say: while I feel I shouldn’t be much affected by my dreams, I’ve been known to glare at my partner after they sinned in my slumbering mind or get emotional after seeing someone in my sleep.
In an effort to find out why I’m so bothered by my brain’s own handiwork, I thought I’d reach out to the experts to ask what it means when you dream about someone.
HuffPost UK spoke to therapist Melissa Giuttari, who’s trained in Jungian dream analysis, psychologist Dr Leah Kaylor, and licenced sexologist Sofie Roos about the topic.
So... what does it mean?
Dr Kaylor told HuffPost UK that dreams often happen during the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep, which she says is when “the brain processes emotions helping you work through the experiences of the day.”
So, she argues, “Dreaming about someone may reflect that your brain is processing your emotions and interactions with them.” It may also have to do with the feeling you associate with that person, or what they stand for, she adds.
Guittari seems to agree, saying: “From a Jungian dream analysis perspective, we typically look at the people that show up in our dreams as symbols of different parts of ourselves (versus a literal representation of the dream character).”
She says that when someone in her practice keeps seeing someone in their dreams, she asks them to describe that person in three adjectives.
“This begins our investigation into the unconscious meanings of the dream persona,” she explains.
For Roos, though, the nighttime appearances might be due to suppressed feelings.
“Seeing someone in your dreams often means that you think about them without really paying attention to how often you do it, or that you try to push the thoughts of them away even though they’re still there and that therefore needs to be processed in your dreams,” she suggested.
The sexologist says it can be “a common indicator that you’re actually really into them, even though you many times don’t want to admit it for your awake self.”
Does dreaming about someone mean anything about my relationship with them?
According to all three experts, the resounding answer is an absolute “maybe.”
Dr Kaylor commented: “Dreams have the potential to act like a mirror, reflecting your subconscious thoughts about the person or your relationship, even if you’re not fully aware of them.”
But she continued, “It may also be less about the person and more about your emotional connection—your brain uses dreams to work through feelings or situations involving them.”
Guittari, meanwhile, sees nighttime cameos as a way to “uncover latent desires, wish fulfilment, or repressed fears, anxieties or conflicts of the dreamer’s psyche” ― a “way of the unconscious trying to bring messages and awareness to the conscious self.”
Roos, on the other hand, says “there’s often no better matchmaker than your [unsoncious] self when letting everything come to you without prejudice or filters.”
If you’re “often seeing the very same person in your dreams, especially in romantic or sexual contexts,” there may be more to the connection, the sexologist suggests.
Still, Dr Kaylor says you should see dreams, including those about people you know as more of an ”‘emotional detox’ that leaves you mentally refreshed and ready to face new challenges” than as revelatory truth-tellers.
So if you’re worried about how you saw someone in your sleep, don’t be ― though they “serve an important purpose,” dreams have more to do with processing your emotions and “helping you make sense of your daily experiences” than they do setting you up with your soulmate, she says.