When I had my first child at 18, I felt as though as soon as I gave birth there was an instant pressure to be a completely different person. Don't get me wrong, I felt different, my outlook on life totally changed and I had a whole host of new emotions and feelings that I hadn't experienced before.
Those aside I began to feel enormous pressures to behave differently, act differently, speak differently, think differently and what felt most strange was dress differently. Even though I was still a teenager when I finally felt comfortable with my body (and looked less like I'd just given birth to a baby whale) I didn't feel I could go back out in my old clothes as people had a very strong opinion on what I, as a mother, should be wearing.
I tried not to take too much notice at first but naturally I started feeling awkward and very conscious of what people thought when they looked at me. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I imagined, a part of it was definitely my own insecurity about being a teenage mum in general. However, I do remember clubbing with my friends in my mini skirt and low cut top trying to feel human again, and as always getting into conversation with strangers in the girl's toilets was a part of a good night out for me. But when they discovered I had a baby the initial reaction was 'why are you out and not at home breastfeeding?' or something and then came the weird looks at what I was wearing. After a few stints of awkward looks and quite frankly mean comments about my teenage, inappropriate mum style it began to get to me and I did start feeling guilty about what I was wearing.
I felt like somehow Zachary might grow up see pictures of me and be mortified if I didn't look wholesome and sweet and 'mumsie'. I started to dress more sophisticated and I even stopped going out as much as I would have liked to because the guilt seemed to get worse.
In 2009 my life completely changed and I became the luckiest girl in the world. I flew past auditions on the X Factor and all of my dreams growing up were suddenly becoming a reality. I had the time of my life doing the show and meeting my idols, but I must admit I do look back sometimes and think why I'm I dressed so old. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved getting dressed up in beautiful gowns I couldn't dream of looking at let alone wearing a few weeks prior, but I do look a heck of a lot older than I was - I was only 19! Where are my hot pants and crazy cat suits haha?! But to be honest I don't think I would have gotten as far in the competition if I had dressed like that! I believe it wouldn't have given off the right image for a single mum, and that's what I think is a little sad.
Eight years later I feel like I've never had those wild years. I've never worn an outrageously sexy revealing outfit. I can't tell you how many interviews I've had where I get asked, "What's your most embarrassing fashion disaster", "What's the craziest thing you've ever worn?" etc., and I haven't had anything to report. Unless my Mrs Claus onesie counts?
I saw a picture of my friend in a beautiful sheer black dress which had gorgeous patterns just to cover her important bits and she looked absolutely stunning.
My heart suddenly sank and I thought to myself I would LOVE to wear that! But if Lady V can't do it without that 'daring' headline what would they say about me?
The last time I wore a silky number this happened...
And I didn't think that was daring at all! Shoulders covered, no cleavage, almost down to my knees and fluffy. Haha...
Stacey Solomon takes a style risk in lingerie-esque dress at book launch
Do I even have the guts to wear a see-through dress? No! But why? Victoria in her 30s with a body to die for why shouldn't she show it off? I'm in my 20's. I'm quite happy with the way I look so why wouldn't I show it off? There's only one answer - kids. I can imagine the uproar if I did wear it, how many people would tell me it's not suitable and it's embarrassing for my children to see such an image?
But the truth is, do they really care? If I saw my mum looking super hot and sexy from 10 years ago I would be in awe! It would inspire me not embarrass me. Why do we have to change how we dress when we have children? Well I think I've done almost a decade of worrying about what other people think so now I'm going to be sexy! The next place I get to go to and dress up I'm going to be the Jessica Rabbit of the ball, not the Easter bunny.