Sure, I like watching fit people running and swimming and stuff as much as the next person, but here's why you should high tail it north for the world's biggest and best arts festival instead.
1) MORE MASCOTS
Wenlock and Mandeville? Bitch please. Try fairies juggling hatchets, hung over transvestites, the most pierced woman in the world, and one year, even a two headed, three breasted giant all hanging out at once on the Royal Mile. And that's just before breakfast.
2) PAUL THE OCTOPUS CAN' T PREDICT THE FOSTERS WINNER
C'mon let's face it, even a gifted cephalopod has cracked the code of predicting who will win sporting events. I mean you sort of know Usain Bolt is gonna kick everyone's ass and he's so fast it's better in slow-motion anyway. The Fringe holds surprises which no one can predict - underdog winners, crazy publicity stunts, and usually a few token mental breakdowns to boot.
3) BETTER VALUE
My mate Paul dropped £900 on partial view handball tickets for South Korea vs. Angola. Fringe shows cost an average of £9 and you can see awesome stuff for free, too. Plus I once paid £3.50 for kid's sized glass of Diet Coke in London when the Olympics WEREN'T EVEN HERE YET. 'Nuff said.
4) NAKED IS A-OK IN EDINBURGH
Granted I'm not sure of the official Scottish law for public nudity. But if evenings I've had near men in kilts are anything to go by, I'm thinking it's a bit more lax than the stiff £20,000 streaking fine the Olympic committee recently announced.If you can't help but air your bits in public, come do it in Edinburgh amongst the artsy types.
5) NO TRANSPORT NIGHTMARES
The London tubes are going to be so crowded they'll have to offer military-style PTSD counselling to passengers. Edinburgh is walkable and cabs are pretty cheap if you want to splurge.
6) FEWER AMERICANS
Sure, some of us come to the Fringe and shout a few decibels louder than the rest of the population about "HOW OLD EDINBERG LOOKS!" but then imagine how much more annoying we are at sporting events. And damn, baby, we LOVE sport so you bet your bottom dollar believe we're flooding "the England" come game time. Run.
7) SCOTLAND HAS DEEP FRIED EVERYTHING
The Olympics are sponsored by McDonalds. Did somebody say boring? I'd rather spend my days where they know that pizza isn't pizza till it's been battered and dunked in hot oil.
Taylor Glenn's Reverse Psycomedy is at the 1-26 (not 13) Gilded Balloon August 23:30. For tickets: http://tinyurl.com/TaylorGlennTix