The world used to be bipolar - now it's just crazy.
Sunni and Shia - less harmonious than Sonny & Cher.
Protect the landscape - dynamite a wind turbine.
Ahmadinejad was filmed manoeuvring a nuclear fuel rod - I know where I'd like to stick it.
Karl Lagerfeld - too old for a ponytail.
Chris Huhne is charged with perverting the course of justice - most LibDems simply pervert the course of politics.
It costs just $85 to have someone killed in Mexico - proof that competition works.
Greek workers are taking to the streets - nice to see them actually moving.
Britain is over a trillion pounds in debt - because cooking the books was easier than balancing them.
52 billion chickens are eaten globally each year - small wonder they want to give us bird 'flu.
Banking - where money meets mediocrity.
The K in Kremlin stands for Korruption.
How the hell is one meant to thrive in a meritocracy?
Cruel and oppressive - unsurprising China and Russia dig the Assad regime.
The unemployed - let them drink Coke.
Cosmetic surgery - designed to cover the hole in your soul.
A thriving independent Scotland - next they'll find Nessie.
Iran - sit back and watch the air strikes.
America has developed a new deep earth penetration bomb - Tehran should be worried.
Abu Qatada - the dark side of multiculturalism.
Obesity - the elephant in the room.
Fat kids - nothing a Taser wouldn't cure.
Democratic chickens are coming home to roost in Russia - let's see if the hawks end up eating them.
For two years Britain stood alone against Nazi tyranny - and the European Court of Human Rights presumes to lecture us.
Cocoa is becoming a scarce commodity - perhaps nations will one day go to war over chocolate.
LibDems - the triumph of smugness over ability.