The past year has had its share of ups and downs. But through it all, we knew we could always count on the spouses of Twitter to provide some much-needed laughter.
Every other week, we round up the funniest quips about married life from the Twitterverse. Now, as 2021 comes to a close, we’re highlighting the most hilarious and relatable marriage tweets we saw this year.
Below, check out 50 of the best that will have you laughing into 2022.
Marriage is finding the one person you dislike slightly less than anyone else and deciding to pay bills together
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) January 27, 2021
My husband thinks he can just add random items to my junk drawer and I’m like HELLO THERE IS AN APPROVAL PROCESS
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 31, 2021
I don’t do escape rooms. If I wanted to feel trapped and confused for an hour, I’d ask my husband to explain how Bitcoin works.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 10, 2021
My husband is having "craft night" with my mother in a few hours and when I asked if I could come he paused and then said, gently, "we'd really rather you didn't."
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) June 22, 2021
*At the reading of my will*
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 6, 2021
My husband- Did she say where my keys might be?
My marriage vows never said anything about removing a bevy of various sized pillows from the couch before laying down on it.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 3, 2021
My husband just said, "I haven't had a cantaloupe this good since 1990!" and I'm wondering what kind of man has a fruit memory that lasts decades.
— Elizabeth Picciuto (@epicciuto) July 11, 2021
*me following my husband from room to room telling him everything I’ve just learned about penguins*
— Upile Chisala (@BeingUpile) June 28, 2021
My wife's favorite spatula for I don't know...20 years broke on me this morning. Could I stay with you for just a couple of days?
— Crac⚡ked (@a_simpl_man) November 15, 2021
My husband just shushed me. He will be missed.
— Jawbreaker 🍾🥂🎊 (@sixfootcandy) January 21, 2021
Wife and I are drinking outside on the deck and the neighbors are also outside having a massive argument so looks like our night just planned itself
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 24, 2021
me: i'll have the sloppy joe
— 🦕pat.🦕 (@patsatweetin) September 3, 2021
wife: this is a fancy restaurant, idiot
me: apologies, I'll have the uncouth joseph
waiter: excellent choice, sir
Me: wow
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) April 17, 2021
Wife: *lording over the many amazon boxes* it is a bountiful harvest
My husband asked me what I need at Target... Target will tell me what I need thanks
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 28, 2021
Sometimes I look at my beautiful wife eating queso straight out of the jar with a spoon and remember how lucky I am.
— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) December 27, 2021
If I ever refer to my husband as my "rock" on Facebook, I've been hacked.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) August 5, 2021
my wife asked me “what sounds good for dinner?” so I said “I dunno, what sounds good to u?” and she responded “I’m up for whatever” and now it’s been a week and we’re slowly dying of hunger
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) April 22, 2021
Wife: I need some chicken stock.
— Nater (@GorillaNipples1) February 4, 2021
Me: okay. I’ll call the broker tomorrow.
what my husband doesn’t realize that a lot of our arguments could be solved by shoving a cookie in my face
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 22, 2021
Husband: What are you watching?
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) January 10, 2021
Me: *names any show* wanna watch?
Husband: Ugh, no thanks.
*plot twist on show*
Husband from other room: OMG WHAT?!?
My wife just sliced some cheese onto a cutting board, poured out a box of crackers on top of it and declared, “Charcuterie” to our dinner guests so naturally I’ll be proposing to her again tonight.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) August 20, 2021
[going back to school as an adult]
— smerobin (@smerobin) February 24, 2021
Sorry I'm late with my presentation, I had to teach my husband how to use a blender.
When I’m mad at my husband I like to plug my usb mouse into his computer and move the mouse around while he’s playing online games
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 9, 2021
My 3-year-old stubbed his toe and then cried and screamed I’M DYING,” so I silently looked at my husband and he sighed and said, “I know. He got that from me.”
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) September 7, 2021
thoughts and prayers for my wife. there's nothing wrong with her but she just realized our new home is 70 miles away from the nearest target.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 28, 2021
She loves me
— Brother Ben (@SentenceReduced) September 30, 2021
[forgets to run the dishwasher]
She loves me not
My husband asleep in a chair for the last 58 minutes will wake up within a split second of me changing the channel and yell "I WAS WATCHING THAT!"
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) March 14, 2021
Day 302 of my husband and I both working from home:
— Northern Lights 🎅🌲☃️ (@PinkCamoTO) January 12, 2021
Me: *tapes note to microwave reminding coworkers to PLEASE CLEAN UP SPILLS THIS MICROWAVE IS FOR THE WHOLE OFFICE
Did I ever tell you about how uncomfortable my chair was in my wife’s birthing room?
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) September 8, 2021
Be right back, my wife is in the kitchen and I need to go stand in front of the cabinet she’s about to open.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 8, 2021
Is your husband mature or
— Jawbreaker 🍾🥂🎊 (@sixfootcandy) April 26, 2021
does he ask you to hold his salty nutsack every time he hands you a bag of pistachios at Whole Foods?
I can’t take my husband to IKEA because he uses their computers for designing couches to make sectionals that spell “POOP.”
— Bad Ideas Betty (@EzMacArt) March 19, 2021
Life in your 30s is high-fiving your wife when the old coffee table you left by the road in front of your house gets taken home by some passerby and now you don't have to drive it to the dump.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 18, 2021
SPOUSE 1: *wakes up*
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 15, 2021
SPOUSE 2: [already wide awake] good morning, here is a list of all the things you did in your sleep last night
my husband and I love to play “who can pile the most into the trash can without taking it out” and I can assure there are no winners here, just cursing, garbage covered losers
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 4, 2021
My wife calls the bottom fridge drawer the Vegetable Hospice ... where all the veggies I buy go to die 🤦♀️
— TitsforTat 🏳️🌈 (@magicalchaos14) February 23, 2021
Dates are great or whatever, but I love texting my husband Zillow listings from another room in the house and having him react to them with a thumbs up, thumbs down, or “looks haunted.”
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) May 22, 2021
My husband eating pizza in bed over our new duvet cover shows he's really not scared of me anymore
— Natasha (@dramadelinquent) November 7, 2021
I'm pretty sure today is my wedding anniversary, but not like 100% sure.
— Uncle Jeff 🌈 (@PickleRudd) June 9, 2021
Thank God I married a man so no one really cares.
Oh shit my wife just said “stay in your lane, girl” on a Zoom call so I’m just gonna go work in the bedroom for the next several hours
— Coach Rusty (@rusty_coach) September 23, 2021
When I’m angry with my wife I fold the towels in half instead of in thirds
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) September 20, 2021
My husband and I have been married for 30 years because he lacks the ability to schedule his own dental appointments.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) May 22, 2021
My wife gets a delivery almost every day.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) August 6, 2021
Something came for me today, and in a judgmental tone she said "What did you order?"
So rude of my wife to not tell me about the school’s gift exchange event for which we both got multiple emails
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 9, 2021
How my wife changes the toilet paper. pic.twitter.com/LQj6XdCjQh
— Eman El-husseini (@emanifique) June 13, 2021
Friendly reminder that its not you, it’s just the photos your husband takes of you
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) August 1, 2021
*winks at security camera as I grab tampons off the shelf for my wife*
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) May 13, 2021
it's adorable, my husband thinks i worked out but i just have the face sweats from eating salt and vinegar chips
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) June 18, 2021
I brought my husband to a fancy lawyer event and he keeps leaning over and whispering into my ear whenever someone starts walking toward us things like “the ambassador of France and his mistress Jaqueline” like he thinks he’s in The Devil Wears Prada.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) November 17, 2021
Husband: Hey babe, wanna have sex?
— avian ink (@avianink) October 16, 2021
Me: Will there be snacks?