Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch:
the problem with raising children who have good character is they become complete narcs when you try to sneak in candy into the movie theater
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 29, 2023
The preschoolers got to choose a free book from the book fair, so my kid came home with one we already have because she knows she likes it, and I can’t fault that logic
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 1, 2023
my two favorite pages from the most specific children’s book of all time pic.twitter.com/JvhimNtq1v
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) May 31, 2023
No one is full of more false hope than a parent with a new chore chart.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 31, 2023
My daughter has started a fun new game where she tries to guess my age with random numbers like 72 or 94. So fun.
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 30, 2023
My brain keeps trying to turn this into a country song pic.twitter.com/dOhrAhefxe
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 31, 2023
hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 1, 2023
growing up the baby of the family and then becoming a parent is daily surprise. what do you mean it’s my job to get everyone’s stuff together for the beach. what do you mean I’m in charge of remembering when sunscreen needs to be reapplied and finding a parking spot. I wanna swim
— 🧃you or someone you love🧃 (@hannahmsays) May 29, 2023
My son’s preschool class had caterpillars that turned into butterflies. According to him, the proper name for them are “Wet Lady Butterflies.” After a quick Google search, I’m pretty sure that’s NOT what they’re called.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) May 31, 2023
ohhhhh my GOD I just told the dog “hey we’ll go for a walk once the baby’s awake, okay?”
— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) May 28, 2023
and she looked at me, ran upstairs, stuck her head in the nursery, and HOWLED
I wish Disney would adopt the titles my daughter has given their movies, which includes Beauty & the Beast, Beauty & the Beast: Real (live action), Aladdin, Aladdin: Real, Little Mermaid, and the highly anticipated Little Mermaid: Real
— Alison Bennett (@bennettleigh) May 28, 2023
My 2nd grader got a second chance to take her math test on fractions. So now both of us are taking online classes on fractions
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) June 2, 2023
My kids have started diving into the massive pile of clean laundry like a pile of leaves so I’m not neglecting chores, I’m encouraging creative play.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) May 31, 2023
My toddler is in the phase where he wants to do it, but he also wants me to do it, and there's literally no winning.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) June 2, 2023
I bought Bluey sheets so I can encourage my 2yo to sleep in her own bed.
— Mom With No Plan (@MomWithNoPlan) May 31, 2023
She LOVES the sheets.
She also happens to love them better when she puts them on my bed at 2am.
Just found my kid’s missing library book with two days left in the school year so maybe I should buy a lottery ticket
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 29, 2023
If you enjoy being broken out of your sleep at 3am because of a punt kick to the back by a very tall and wildly sleeping 9yo boy in YOUR bed - parenting may be for you...
— Mom-B-Momming (@iwasjusthungry) June 1, 2023
I went to culinary school. I cook for my kids every single day, and yet my 5-year-old’s favorite food is a “cheese-up” where she takes a slice of cheese, dumps ketchup down the middle, and rolls it up like some kind of cursed enchilada.
— The Dad (@thedad) June 1, 2023
As a parent there’s so many things that need to get done each weekend. It’s a never ending task list. My 6yo had one thing he wanted to do this weekend, which was watching the movie Inside Out, and he’d completed that task by 7am on Saturday.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) May 27, 2023
A game show where contestants race to put shoes on a kid but one shoe is under the couch and the other is in a mud puddle out back and who knows where the fuck the kid is.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) May 31, 2023
Are you having a nice three day weekend or did you buy the wrong brand of hot dogs and have the audacity to serve them to your 6yo?
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) May 28, 2023