Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Having more than one kid is awesome because you figure out all these great tricks to raise the first kid, and then none of them work for the second.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) September 22, 2021
I’m barely awake and already my toddler is crying because I won’t put him in the trash can
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 18, 2021
grandmas be like imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 21, 2021
when you've just gotten the kids to sleep and your spouse comes crashing into the room pic.twitter.com/G3H1J0Esfd
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) September 23, 2021
no one:
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 21, 2021
my 5 year old: i know that guy in blues clues isn’t really talking to me because one time he asked me to do something and i said no and he said thanks
I just had to tell my 5-year-old not to walk down the stairs with a bucket over her head, so I think we can stop saving for college.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 19, 2021
Me: Do you want a pillow?
— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) September 23, 2021
4 year old: I love your blood and bones.
Me: So…yes?
My 4yo just fell over some toys he left lying around and I believe this is what they call poetic justice
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) September 23, 2021
Friend's 3 yr old: DO YOU THINK I'M A DOLLAR BILL?!
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) September 21, 2021
Me:
Friend, *embarrassed*: He means "adorable"
Told my toddler I love her and she laughed and said “I know” so I think I just got owned Han Solo style by my own offspring
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) September 22, 2021
I always wanted to be a dad whose kids can open up and share their thoughts and worries with, no matter what, but I just finished reading my 4 year old a bedtime story and he said “daddy, I don’t like your silly voices when you read” and now he’s dead to me
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) September 22, 2021
Do tons of activities with your toddler on Saturday, let them stay up late and really wear them out so they still wake up at 4:30 on Sunday morning.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 19, 2021
My son told me I’m a mean mommy and I have to shop at the mean mommy store. Do you think it’s Target? I hope it’s Target.
— Mama Needs A Coke (@MamaNeedsACoke) September 21, 2021
I don’t know the names of my kids’ classmates but thankfully I’m a dad so no one thinks anything of it if I just call everyone “buddy” and “you with the hair”
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) September 21, 2021
If you enjoy being micro-managed by miniature versions of yourself, parenting is for you.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) September 23, 2021
Ah, Fall…my favorite time of year. Or as I like to call it, “Not today, but put it on your Christmas list” season.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 18, 2021
Call me old-fashioned but I’m not afraid to completely dominate my kid in Mario Kart.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 22, 2021
The most rewarding part of going through the months of pregnancy, a long labor and surviving toddlerhood is when your teen starts calling you bro
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 23, 2021
I like to think I'm an easy-going parent. Until I bring my kids to a public restroom.
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) September 20, 2021
Congrats on your kid turning 2. You are now the proud parent of a middle finger with feet.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) September 20, 2021
Want to make your teenager angry? Ask them a question. Any question.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) September 22, 2021
Kids too energetic? Make them go on a walk with you and they’ll suddenly be unable to move any part of their body.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 23, 2021