Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HPUKParents on Twitter for more!
The bad news is my toddler dumped my husband’s large water bottle all over the couch and himself. The good news is now he’s had his bath
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 14, 2021
I told my toddler he was so cute I could just eat him up and now he’s bringing me snacks from the kitchen so I’m not hungry.
— kidversations (@kidversations_) November 16, 2021
Shorty been 2 for less that 24 hours 😭 why ain’t nobody warn me pic.twitter.com/FoEwq5bukE
— Mani 🧚🏼♀️ (@mami_manii) November 19, 2021
My kids’ friends’ mom always has some exciting craft for them to do when they go to her house. When my kids’ friends are over, I just sit on the couch and occasionally call out “does anyone want chips?”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 16, 2021
Half the parenting vocabulary is the word “wow”
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 16, 2021
*Googles Thanksgiving recipes*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 14, 2021
*Googles easy Thanksgiving recipes*
*Googles really easy Thanksgiving recipes*
*Googles is McDonald’s open on Thanksgiving*
My toddler just slapped me with one glove. She may not know what it means but I’m a woman of honour. We duel at dawn.
— Brona C. Titley (@bronactitley) November 13, 2021
Any time parents try to have a romantic moment pic.twitter.com/KIDRmLAvBC
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 17, 2021
My kids were screaming at each other.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 18, 2021
I told them to stop fighting.
They said they weren't fighting. They were playing "Karens."
Now everybody is grounded.
Nobody prepared me for how loudly babies sleep
— Erin Ryan (@morninggloria) November 17, 2021
10 said she doesn't like my coffee breath, but she'd rather deal with that than my "decaf personality," I think she's figured out marriage.
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) November 18, 2021
My daughter's eyes were barely open this morning when she said "mommy I want to wear a really pretty outfit today."
— Beth Newell (@bethnew) November 16, 2021
“Daddy, are you going to pick me up from Art Club or do I have to ride the bus that smells like bare feet and underwear?” and other ways 11 y/o’s communicate with their parents.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) November 18, 2021
Mom: Don't wind up the kids before bed
— The Dad (@thedad) November 14, 2021
Grandpa: pic.twitter.com/q8hNc4RYPv
i feel a little slimmer after a week of eating mostly goldfish crackers, clementines, fig newtons and string cheese…im calling this the toddler diet
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 13, 2021
Today I had a significant first-time experience as a parent to young children…
— Meena Harris (@meena) November 19, 2021
These kids just pranked me with a whoopee cushion. While I was on a work call.
Me: You can pick between Superman or Spiderman.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) November 18, 2021
3yo: I pick Batman!
Making a mad dash home to grab my kid’s mask before the bus comes is my gym membership
— Melissafent on the Hillifent (@awkwardenabled) November 15, 2021
Our TV remote stopped working and 12 year old just went ahead and replaced the batteries. He didn’t even try giving the old ones a little shake to bring them back to life. Have I taught this boy NOTHING
— three time daddy (@threetimedaddy) November 13, 2021
My kids ran out of corks for art projects so I ordered a case of wine, I feel this is my moment to shine
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 14, 2021
told my kids to build a fort to get them off their iPads, so now they're in the fort, watching their iPads
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) November 18, 2021