Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HPUKParents on Twitter for more!
Was enjoying playing legos with my son until my wife tapped me on the shoulder and said he went outside an hour ago.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 9, 2022
Me: So you’re saying my Kindergartener is resourceful, thinks outside the box, & practices self-care?
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) February 7, 2022
Teacher: No, I’m saying he put his classmates’ coats on the floor so he could take a nap.
Me: I feel like we’re saying the same thing, no?
Apparently this is what I look like to my son.
— 🤨 Lovely 🤨 (@SweetPea1636) February 10, 2022
🤨🤨🤨🤨 pic.twitter.com/dSrcdSxB6S
was showing my 3 year old how to roast a chicken; ie spreading butter, herbs, shoving lemons inside and she said “he doesn’t even know what’s going on. he’s dead.”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) February 6, 2022
Just heard my 4 year old say "it's time to milk the farm dog" and my 2 yo squeal "YEAH" and I better go see what they're doing
— Woodfluencer (@RateMySalad) February 5, 2022
*watching Olympic ice skating*
— Marissa 💛💚 (@michimama75) February 6, 2022
5, sadly: I guess no one is going to fall
My son’s first guess on Wordle is POOPY and I’m gonna need a minute to decide if I’m disappointed or proud.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) February 8, 2022
My teen slept until 2pm. I asked him to do one chore. He’d like to know why he has to do everything.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 7, 2022
I’m still laughing.
Me: We’re going to a surprise party today.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 6, 2022
6-year-old: For me?
Me: No. It's not your birthday.
6: I know. I would be surprised.
Show me a parent who has given 2 choices for dinner & I'll show you a kid who picks something that wasn't even an option
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) February 7, 2022
PTA: We heard you, and this year’s valentine’s exchange will be very simple
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 7, 2022
Also PTA: Please pack vegan and allergy free treats, dress kids in fuchsia colors and make sure they get a tattoo of the PTA logo
I love when kids rename things. For example, my kids call snacks “nackies” and granola bars “nolas” and homemade meals “do we have anything else to eat”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 11, 2022
it should be 100% legal for me to throw a hatchet at the next person who knocks on my front door and wakes the baby up from a nap
— Erin Ryan (@morninggloria) February 10, 2022
just a reminder that you're the parent and you're in charge. give that kid any color cup you want. lol jk don't do that you'll die
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 9, 2022
“Mommy, come here, you’re not gonna like it!” is just one of the many fun ways my 4yo likes to start a conversation.
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) February 6, 2022
My 4yo has emerged from a different room to grab a full size broom on her own free will, and I have never had more dread as to what horrible mess awaits me in that room than now…
— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) February 8, 2022
Have kids so you can get weird compliments like "You look nice in that dress, like a Saturday raisin."
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) February 8, 2022
Sacrifice your personal goals and aspirations for the joys of parenthood so one day your 5 y/o can tell you she’s not talking to you until she gets a pet ocelot.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) February 9, 2022
Turns out my toddler’s only ingredient for Banana Stew is bananas, and now I understand why she rolled her eyes when I asked for the recipe
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 7, 2022
5yo: guess what’s in this bag
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 7, 2022
Hubs: it’s a duck
5yo: close
Hubs: a chicken
5yo: close
Hubs: I give up
5yo: it’s PLAYDOH!!
15 minutes before we were supposed to leave the house this morning I noticed that my kindergartner had a three page writing assignment that was due today.
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 7, 2022
Nothing screams high quality learning like a mom standing over her child yelling at her to write faster we have to GO
Before having kids I expected to be sleep deprived for the first year, maybe two years tops. I was wrong. So so wrong.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 8, 2022
[4:30 am]
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 10, 2022
3: MOM! I brought you an orange golf ball!
My daughter was pissed at me this morning and threatened to tell me the Wordle answer, so obviously I'm raising a savage monster.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) February 10, 2022