Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HPUKParents on Twitter for more!
I’m just a mom, standing in my kid’s room, asking why there are fruit snacks on the ceiling
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) April 26, 2022
My 4yo is in complete shock after she found out her uncle is my brother.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 25, 2022
i asked my 4 year old if she had fun at her birthday party and she was like “no. I like alone time.” same girl
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 23, 2022
My son just turned to me and goes, “You look like a minion.” How do I come back from this? pic.twitter.com/OiE4Dzibtr
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) April 23, 2022
my kid didn’t want a cheese sandwich today because last time it tasted too much like cheese
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 28, 2022
I don’t usually like pretend play but today my 5yo had me pretend to be a baby and all I had to do was lie on the couch and cry and not to brag but I played the shit out of that.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) April 24, 2022
No one wants to take medicine more than the healthy sibling of a sick kid.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 27, 2022
This is your brain on kids. Any questions? pic.twitter.com/DQ1dYDwXVQ
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) April 23, 2022
I asked my 6yo’s friend when his birthday is and he said, “the day I was born”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 25, 2022
6yo, getting dressed for school: hold on I just need to do one thing
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 27, 2022
me: ok
6yo: *crawls back into bed and pulls blanket over his head*
me:
My 5yo asked me if we could go to someone else’s house because he says we go to our house a lot
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) April 26, 2022
Young mom: I hope he plans something nice for Mother’s Day.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) April 23, 2022
Experienced mom: I booked my hotel room for Saturday night and will be back late Sunday.
I bought my teen son new deodorant
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 25, 2022
It’s called
“Harry’s Redwood”
I didn’t realize that until I handed it to him and he started uncontrollably giggling
My kid thinks the Lion King song says jalapeñooooo and I’m never correcting him
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) April 23, 2022
Teen: Mom I heard you, will you stop repeating yourself already
— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) April 28, 2022
Me *45 mins later: Ok let's go, we're leaving
Teen: Omg, nobody tells me anything around here!
i caught my 4-year-old letting the cat lick his goldfish crackers and then putting them back in the bag, so that’s fun
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) April 25, 2022
Watching a crime scene investigator search for trace evidence is impressive but have you ever seen a kid examine a piece of fruit for spots?
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) April 26, 2022
I know my daughter is just like me because when I asked why she didn’t like her school’s guided meditation, she said: “Because don’t tell me when to breathe, that’s why.”
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) April 27, 2022
I used to be an atheist until I started helping my 3rd grader with her math homework
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 27, 2022
I accidentally spilled Coke on my husband’s shoes, so now I’m waiting to see which one of my kids acts like a jerk first so I know who to blame it on.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 28, 2022
if you open a snack in the middle of the woods, does it make a sound every toddler on the planet can hear?
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 28, 2022
I asked 5 to share her grapes with her brother and she said no so I asked why not and she said “I don’t know I haven’t figured that out yet, I’ll let you know when I do” and carried on eating the grapes
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 25, 2022
If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) April 28, 2022