Kids may say the silliest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HPUKParents on Twitter for more!
A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming “WHAT’S THAT” and a driving parent yelling “I CAN’T SEE WHAT YOU’RE POINTING AT” repeat until everyone is crying
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 2, 2023
Rule #1 of the parenting code: it is now acceptable to use baby wipes to clean everything
— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 5, 2023
My daughter just asked me if Cinderella’s shoe is such a perfect fit then why did it fall off so I enrolled her in the task force.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 4, 2023
Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 1, 2023
My husband’s version of helping out with the kids is yelling “COME ON, GUYS!” from the couch.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 3, 2023
My parenting style can best be described as “whatever works in the moment”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 2, 2023
My kids think the LMFAO song is “I’m 16 and I know it,” so now they’re singing it but swapping in their own ages
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 31, 2022
my daughter just dyed her hair turquoise and apparently has no idea that she's subjected herself to months of me asking if she's still feeling blue
— 🌚🤷♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷♂️🌚 (@raoulvilla) January 2, 2023
I bet it’d be nice to be as rich as my kids clearly think I am
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 3, 2023
Apparently we are going to try being a family that rolls all of our towels. Thank you for following us on this journey.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 4, 2023
My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again.
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) January 2, 2023
The road to parental sanity is paved with all of the things you swore you'd never do if you ever have kids of your own.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 5, 2023
Whenever my kid is about to do something he’s not supposed to he says, ‘don’t look at me,’ and that’s how I know he’s not cut out for a life of crime.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) January 4, 2023
My daughter has an Instagram account now. Nice to have someone you brought into this world call your posts “cringe”
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) January 3, 2023
My 8 year old: Mommy, do you know what synovial fluid is? That’s what keeps the joints gliding. If we didn’t have synovial fluid it would hurt to move! Isn’t that amazing?
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) January 3, 2023
Also my 8 year old: I am only wearing underwear and one sock and I do not know why
So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) January 3, 2023
I know my 4yo found the gallon of ice cream I bought because I heard him yell across the house “YES WE GOT A FULL TANK OF ICE CREAM!!”
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) January 3, 2023
Mommy find my toy or I'm not going to be your sweet boy anymore!
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) January 3, 2023
-my 4yo threatening me.
My 1yo is starting to get mad at this baby that keeps staring at her. She smiles at the baby and the baby smiles back. She raises her hand at the baby and the baby raises its hand too. She tries to hit the baby and it tries to hit back. This baby in the mirror is real trouble.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) January 1, 2023
I don’t know much about parenting, but I know there’s a goldfish cracker under your couch right now.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 2, 2023
My sons friend came over for dinner. I’m a vegetarian so I cook my own thing. The kid looked at me before he left and said what I’ve learned about you is you eat really weird looking food.
— themomessence (@themomessence) January 2, 2023
Blasted some Nirvana to do some cleaning, immediately started air drumming and head banging and my 12 y/o daughter walked up to me with a concerned look on her face and asked me, “Are you ok?” like some kind of Boomer trying to bring me down.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) December 31, 2022
The kids harmonizing to We Don’t Talk About Bruno in the backseat sounds nice theoretically but they’ve changed the words to We Don’t Talk About Buttcheeks
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) December 31, 2022
My kids ask me the dumbest shit when I’m driving like would you eat your arms if they were pickles? Like obviously the answer is yes.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 3, 2023