The women of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
do u think my therapist is ever like man i hope it is a gossip day today and not a trauma day
— TOMATO FROG (@violinbee01) June 1, 2022
That's definitely something a haunted chair would say.. pic.twitter.com/YPeblZtYu7
— Heather Cowan (@hwardcowan) June 1, 2022
I don’t think we talk enough about how incredible it was that Obama put “Fleabag” on one of his favorites lists when the first episode features her getting off to him speaking. True perfection.
— Amy (@amymelissaestes) May 29, 2022
Telling a doctor giving me a mammogram “my eyes are up here”
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) May 29, 2022
i just need people to understand that before cell phones we had to call landlines and your friend's parents would answer and YOU HAD TO TALK TO THEIR PARENTS until your friend came to the phone
— Emma Bolden (@emmabo) May 30, 2022
best job in the world? probably the guy who gets to write Ice T’s dialogue on law and order SVU pic.twitter.com/dVNzjtUoUt
— trash jones (@jzux) May 28, 2022
People w babies are like “I’d love to do lunch, how’s 9:45am?”
— celey schumer (@CeleySchumer) May 27, 2022
I once had a girl in uni tell me I should adopt a stage name as mine is “too Asian/hard to pronounce.” When I pointed out HER last name was literally “Butts” & she planned on teaching middle school she said “so what”
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) May 28, 2022
19 year old go on Love Island and are like "I've never had a long term relationship"
— Bolu Babalola 🍯🌶 (@BeeBabs) May 31, 2022
I recently learned that my husband only opens instagram once every 4-6 weeks to check our local ice cream parlor's flavor of the month......it is just....an ice cream flavor checker for him....amazing
— Rachel Feltman (@RachelFeltman) June 2, 2022
when guys on dating apps ask me who my favourite philosopher is i make up a random german sounding name. half of the time they “oh yeah i’ve read some of his stuff”
— eilidh (@beauvoirbaddie) June 1, 2022
If u rob a container store does that count as organized crime?
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) May 31, 2022
once again I have an appointment at 1:30 so I have no choice but to spend all morning doing nothing
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 27, 2022
Prehistoric planet is awesome. They show u the most fucked up monster you’ve ever seen and say “these guys had a dry sense of humor and they loveddd to tell each other secrets! This one is shy.” And i’m like okay. I guess I have to take your word for it
— raina (@quakerraina) May 28, 2022
Just once I’d like to see her win pic.twitter.com/CePIWOLE2J
— Amy Zimmer (@oneamyzimmer) May 29, 2022
Asked my dad and uncle why they weren’t chatting and my uncle goes “we’re done chatting for today” and my dad nods and they continue watching tv in silence
— gabby (@momjeansss_) May 30, 2022
a guy’s favorite hilarious joke is responding to any question with “No. haha jk of course you can”
— Sahana Srinivasan (@sahana_srini) May 31, 2022
the day insta gets a “viewed your profile” feature ima just have to log out.
— niyah ♡ (@niyahwestt) June 1, 2022
covid is running through my friend group faster than a moderately charming improv comedian in his late 20s
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) June 2, 2022
sorry i was weird last night. it was to move the plot forward
— maddy fellows (@mabbylmao) May 31, 2022