27 Hilarious Tweets That Accurately Sum Up What It's Like To Converse With Toddlers

Welcome to a world where every conversation has the potential to spiral.
Tatsiana Volkava via Getty Images

If you’ve ever spoken to a toddler, you’ll know the outcome of such a conversation can go one of a million different ways.

From intense, shouty exchanges to hilarious revelations or just downright embarrassing proclamations (“Daddy’s got a big bagina!!”), thankfully the wonderful parents of the internet have been more than willing to share their – occasionally cringe-worthy – toddler exchanges for the greater good.

Here are some of the best ones shared on X, formerly Twitter.

1.

Parents: have you done a a poo? Do you need your nappy changed?
Toddlers: no.
Also toddlers: pic.twitter.com/6p8DHIXQmo

— Grace (@graceyldn) October 28, 2023

2.

Me to my husband: "Don't worry, he's only 2, he'll forget about wanting ice cream for dinner if we don't bring it up."

My 2yo: "Behold, mother, there is the exact space Grandma parked in when she drove me to this playground 3 weeks ago; I was clad in my green Stegosaurus shirt"

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 24, 2023

3.

2-year-old (holding out hand palm up): This is my robot button.
Me: Oh wow.
2yo: Press it!
Me: Okay. (Presses palm)
2yo: No, I don't want to be a robot right now.
Me: Oh! Okay. Thank you for letting me know.
2yo (lifting other hand): this is my 'I Like to Move It, Move It' button

— Gretchen Felker-Martin (@scumbelievable) October 28, 2023

4.

I asked my 2yo if he was ready to get in the car to go to the park and he shrieked, “NO!!!!!!!!!!!!” then he paused and thoughtfully said, “Well. Yes, and no.”

— emily (@emilykmay) October 1, 2023

5.

My 5yo just walked into the dark nursery while I am rocking the 2yo to sleep. He has a smile on his face.

“Will you put this in your pocket?”

I take it, horrified to feel that it is not solid. I whisper-shout my concern:

“What is it?!?”

“Fine. Nevermind.” He resigns.

— Rev Sarah (@RevSarahLocke) September 20, 2023

6.

I was reading my 2yo a book about a duck that’s a knock-off of “is your mama a llama” and I sneakily skipped some of the pages which caused him to yell at the end “WHAT ABOUT THE PELICAN??? THE GOOSE??? THE PENGUIN???”

— emily (@emilykmay) September 8, 2023

7.

You may not think I am a woman of great strength of character, but I told my 2yo last night that he couldn't have any more cookies, and he looked me in the eye, bent down and LICKED a cookie on the serving plate in an act of claim-staking defilement and I DID NOT LAUGH

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 27, 2023

8.

Me to my 2yo:

Hey buddy can you eat your mac and cheese?

No.

Can you eat your broccoli?

No I’m drinking my dinosaur lemonade.

Ok…can you eat your dinosaur mac and cheese?

Sure!

What about your dinosaur broccoli?

Roar! Yummy!

I’m a parenting genius.

— 👻 Justin (Spooky Version) 🎃 (@JustinDGentry) August 26, 2023

9.

When my 2yo doesn’t want to talk anymore, she ends the conversation with “happy birthday” and walks away waving bye.

— Princess (@themultiplemom) May 8, 2023

10.

Me: no more stuffed animals we have too many

2yo: can I have this little bummyherd (hummingbird)

Me: oh my god that’s so cute of course you can

— kelly andrew (@KayAyDrew) May 5, 2023

11.

Whenever I ask my 2yo how he slept, he says, “in bed, eyes closed.” And you know what? He’s not wrong.

— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) February 16, 2023

12.

Me before kids: I’m not going to dress my kids in “kid” clothes, they’re going to look cute!!

Me to my sobbing 2yo: Can you please just tell me WHICH monster truck shirt you want to wear????

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) January 16, 2023

13.

My 3yo: Why do we have to go to other houses for candy? Why can’t we just keep this bowl we have and just watch TV?

Me: Yeah... why 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 we???

— The Dad (@thedad) October 28, 2023

14.

Have learned that my fully potty trained 3yo has been telling her teacher every day that she’s had an accident so that she can change out of her uniform and into her (non-uniform) backup clothes. She’s outsmarted us all. She’s a little velociraptor.

— Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) October 20, 2023

15.

Currently, our only Halloween decor is a pair of homemade jack-o-lanterns.

We walked past a neighbor's yard, decked for the holiday, and I said, "Look at the cute little ghost!"

"I wike that," my 3yo said cheerfully. "And I wike the wittle ghost we have at our house, too."

💀

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) October 18, 2023

16.

Obsessed with the stage where preschoolers can talk really well but haven’t figured out what words are commonly used in conversation by kids, right now my 3yo keeps using “certainly” in every sentence like “I certainly do love gummy bears”

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 31, 2023

17.

Me (tenderly smoothing my 3yo's hair off his forehead): "Did you know that I love you with all my heart?"

3yo (chowing down on lunch with great ferocity): "IF I DO NOT EAT MINE BANANA, A MONKEY WILL TUM AND DOBBLE IT ALL UP"

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) October 10, 2023

18.

To whom it may concern:

When my 3yo says, “Mama works on the street,” please understand she is referring to PICKETING.

✊🏽 🪧 👀

— Briana Cap • ON STRIKE (@BrianaCap) September 7, 2023

19.

I could take my toddler to outer space and he still would not stop talking about the trip we took to Home Depot two weeks ago when saw a concrete mixer.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) March 6, 2022

20.

My toddler now just likes me to tell her stories while she sits on the pot pooping. "I think you're done now." She screams, "NO! I AM NOT! I AM IN THE MIDDLE! KEEP TALKING!"

— Felicia Day🇺🇸 (@feliciaday) April 27, 2020

21.

Overheard my wife giving the toddler a talking-to and the only words I could make out were "Do you want to live in a poop house? *I* don't want to live in a poop house" and I am definitely not getting up to see what the ruckus is about.

— Christopher Ingraham🦗 (@_cingraham) April 16, 2020

22.

Best toddler modes:
3. Being extremely solemn about ridiculous things
2. Saying mild swears with great sincerity
1. Running away shouting “I need my privacy!” if a parent asks if the reason the toddler is crouching behind the sofa is because they’re pooing in their diaper

— Helen Rosner (@hels) October 22, 2019

23.

Slightly embarrassing bus journey with my toddler during rush hour with him repeatedly shouting “you silly pussy” at me.

— Jessie Cave (@jessiecave) February 27, 2018

24.

The toddler took off his pants, opened the patio door, and threw them outside shouting “no!”

May we all live this boldly.

— Eric Smith (@ericsmithrocks) January 12, 2021

25.

My toddler has taken to shouting “Daddy’s got a big bagina” in public so how’s your weekend going.

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) October 17, 2020

26.

My toddler has picked up an oddly charming habit of just randomly shouting ‘NOT TODAY!’ in the middle of the street

— Caroline Bird (@CarolineBirdUK) December 23, 2021

27.

My friend and I discussing what seafood we like:

Me: I don't like lobster or crab

My 3yo, trying to be part of the conversation but has never had shellfish in his life: I don't like...starfish.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 12, 2023
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