Oh to be five years old again โ an age of abundant self-confidence; many, many questions; and an intense need to be heard and listened to AT ALL TIMES (which is fair enough, really).
Parents and caregivers have been sharing exactly what itโs like to be in the presence of such greatness โ and needless to say, the results are pretty hilarious. And also sometimes, well, brutal.
In our honest opinion, five-year-olds should definitely be put in charge of everything everywhere.
1.
Just discovered that my 5yo thinks the lyrics are "apple button jeans, boots with the brrr" and then he does a little shiver
โ meghan (@deloisivete) November 14, 2023
2.
You know you're too heavy. You will break that.
โ 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) November 14, 2023
-my 5yo giving me a complex.
3.
Just spent the last several minutes talking my 5yo out of a temporary face tattoo. A nice little glimpse into the future.
โ Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) November 12, 2023
4.
My 5yo just asked me where the sun came from. Uhโฆ ๐ณ๐๐ ๐ง
โ Alli Girl ๐๐ผโ๏ธ (@AlliAlliG) November 9, 2023
5.
Thoughts and prayers for my 5yo whoโs distraught because the hoodie he wants to wear has a hood
โ MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 13, 2022
6.
5YO: guys I packed my own lunch for tomorrow
โ ~Life With The E Sisters~ (@thatokmom) November 13, 2023
The lunch: pic.twitter.com/aaXx9cTuV3
7.
My 5yo asked me to show him how high I can jump in case youโre wondering why Iโll be limping tomorrow.
โ Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) November 7, 2023
8.
A chat with my 5yo grandson went from bathroom wipes to the age of our houses to the fact that he was inside his mom's womb to his asking, "But how did the first people get here?" and then catapulting into "How did the whole universe get here?"
โ Penny Walker (@Auntpeso) November 13, 2023
Whew, I was not prepared for that.
9.
I drew a picture, but my 5yo finished the faces before I could. And the effect is....haunting pic.twitter.com/dZL7b5x5gS
โ Lil Bit ๐ (@LizerReal) December 3, 2022
10.
My 5yo told me he loves me more than dinosaurs, but he's not sure between Godzilla and me, so guess I'll count that as a win
โ meghan (@deloisivete) November 13, 2023
11.
This morning my 5yo gave me "prizes" -- anything I want in the whole house! -- for doing the following things:
โ Jeremy, Collector of Parks (@JeremyWingert79) November 14, 2023
~ Frying myself 2 eggs (delicious)
~ "Guessing" what she was doing (a puzzle)
~ Putting honey and eggs on my toast (I guess she just appreciates breakfast innovation)
12.
My 5yo keeps loudly informing people we paid "๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ฟ๐๐๐ฟ ๐ฟ๐๐๐๐ผ๐๐ and 99 cents" for our Christmas tree.
โ Lil Bit ๐ (@LizerReal) November 26, 2022
We did not.
13.
My 5yo asked me to come to her โrestaurant.โ Thought we were playing pretend. I got the special & ate the best make believe sandwich. She told me it was 1 dollar. I went to hand her my invisible $$$ & baby girl said, โno go get me some real cashโ
โ Eunique Jones Gibson (@eunique) November 12, 2021
I wanna speak to the manager ๐ฉ
14.
We visited my dad at the care home and my 5yo asked one of the residents her name. She said she didnโt know so he said โIโll call you Stella, I like that name and you can be my best friendโ. 5 carried on chatting and his new best friend didnโt stop smiling
โ MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 31, 2022
15.
Asked my 5yo if she wanted a pic with Santa. She laughed and said she is not into pics with โrandom dudes.โ
โ Megan Gaucher (@GaucherMeg) December 11, 2021
Boundaries.
16.
Weโre talking to my 5yo about her upcoming baptism, and as my husband mentions Jesus, she pipes up and shouts, โHEโS A ZOMBIE!โ
โ Lil Bit ๐ (@LizerReal) November 18, 2022
I fear this baptism wonโt take.
17.
Whenever I have a dispute with my 5yo he points at this drawing over my desk and says, โWho made that for you?โ to remind me he can take it away at any time. pic.twitter.com/H6hmPsJbqw
โ Luke Kennard (@LukeKennard) August 4, 2020
18.
Took my girls to see Little Mermaid.
โ Stacy Buxton Mitchell (@stacybmitchell) May 28, 2023
When King Trident realizes Ariel is gone and says, โWhat have I done?โ my 5yo said, at top volume in a silent theatre, โYou didnโt do anything, that girl just donโt listen!โ
๐คฆ๐ปโ๏ธ๐คฃ
19.
Meanwhile, during my children's baptism into the Catholic church ...
โ Mary Morris (@mary_loquacious) November 7, 2022
Priest: Do you renounce Satan and all his works?
My 5yo son: *scrunching up his face* Sometimes.
20.
5yo; โMommy, I think when I grow up, I might change my name to a grownup name because my name is a little kidโs name. Maybe Iโll use my middle name. My name is such a baby name! I want a grown up name when Iโm a grown up.โ
โ Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) May 3, 2023
Reader, his name is HARVEY.
21.
Interviewer: Why is there a 6-month gap in your resume?
โ The Dad (@thedad) November 10, 2022
Me: My 5yo was telling a story
22.
There is a petite, blonde 5yo in my yard with her hands on her hips, yelling at my 7- and 10-yo boys to BE AFRAID OF ME BECAUSE I AM A WOLF!!!! and I have decided this is the energy I am taking into the week
โ Anna Birch - buy I KISSED ALICE in paperback! (@Almost_Anna) September 12, 2021
23.
My 5yo just calmly explained to me that itโs not really working out with his 3yo brother like he can request a refund.
โ MDJ | Danielle Jones, MD, FACOG (@MamaDoctorJones) June 9, 2022
24.
As I was lovingly tucking in my 5yo, I told her I loved her and she responded with, โYouโve been a great mommyโฆ.so far.โ
โ Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) June 24, 2022
25.
My 5yo just climbed on my lap and said, โMomma, what if weโre all toys and there are invisible people playing with us?โ ๐
โ Amy S. Choi โท (@awesomechoi) December 6, 2020
26.
My 5yo was looking at a draft I'm working on.
โ Andrew Wehrman (@ProfWehrman) January 1, 2020
5yo: What are these little numbers?
Me: Those are footnotes. They're numbered, so you can get extra information by finding the number below.
5yo: You should just draw a big arrow to that stuff in case people don't know numbers yet
27.
My 5yo coming out of the kitchen and screaming "I NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO MY STORY!" is really just all of us.
โ Rachel Wecht (@rachelwecht) September 3, 2019
28.
Predawn panorama work from my five year old pic.twitter.com/P83xvHNmZ6
โ Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) July 8, 2020