When it comes to getting through each day after having a baby, it’s safe to say we’re all just doing the best we can.
Between the burps, poos, farts, feeds, high emotions and very little sleep, it can be a bit of a slog. But amongst the chaos there are those golden moments of pure joy and love, too.
Here, the wonderful parents of Twitter have successfully (and often hilariously) summed up those early months with a tiny tot in tow.
1.
One thing that is hilarious about babies is they’re constantly trying to free their arms from the swaddle but once they do it’s like their arms are possessed and they can’t control them and all the want is someone to please contain their wild arms again.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 25, 2023
2.
OK, so what happens when the sleep consultant refunds you after two days, saying they're "totally baffled" by your baby?
— Holly Bourne (@holly_bourneYA) January 24, 2023
3.
why does no one warn you about how much babies fart
— lily (@1ilykins) April 30, 2023
4.
Everyone’s all about meconium but no one tells you about the velocity of the newborn runny poos. pic.twitter.com/EydTGioOD9
— Boum @ MCAF A02 (@boumerie) December 2, 2021
5.
Newborn, fast asleep. I go to bed, he is sick on my face. Poos on my arm when changing nappy. In my bed 3.5yo is starfishing, balls out, no shame. Put undies on him, kicks me in the face. Newborn screams, quick feed. My eyes only half open. Another feed in ~2 hours. #parentlife
— Higgs (@IamtheHiggster) April 9, 2021
6.
You can read as many parenting books as you want, but one day you’ll be staying in your aunt’s guest room on the way back from vacation and your baby will projectile vomit all over you and the bed and the pillow and the blankets and nothing will have prepared you for that moment.
— Aaron Hoyland (@aaronhoyland) April 26, 2023
7.
One of the funiest things about babies is how comically loud they fart sometimes lol
— Jhonatan Carneiro (@JhoCarneiro) May 9, 2023
8.
When your newborn starts doing the custard poos pic.twitter.com/30yKeejm4c
— 🌟 (@lola_ox) September 27, 2021
9.
The baby: won't sleep anywhere but in our bed or while being held.
— ETX Gov (@ETXGov) March 1, 2023
Also the baby: Falls asleep on the hardwood floor while drinking his bottle and rolls over completely without waking up.
10.
Feeling like I got in a fight with a cat and lost when really I was just breastfeeding. Why are baby nails so sharp? 😩
— Ali Euresti (@AliEuresti) January 15, 2022
11.
Accidentally discovered that opening the nappy bin at lights out is a sure fire way to get a baby to pass out real quick. You're welcome.
— when the baby sleeps (@whenbabysleeps) August 7, 2012
12.
My son: took 25 minutes of bouncing on a yoga ball or walking in a stroller to fall asleep as a baby
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 2, 2023
My daughter: looked down and she fell asleep looking at a book on her play mat
Nobody is actually a baby sleep expert, they just do what whatever they want. 😂 pic.twitter.com/i2zlRSxYdh
13.
Babies are wild because they'll be having a full apocalypse scale meltdown and then you'll be like look my house keys jingle jangle and everything is suddenly awesome
— Daniel José Older (@djolder) November 10, 2022
14.
That moment when your 7 week old baby does a massive burp after a night time feed and you celebrate like she’s just won an Olympic gold medal #champion
— James Crawley (@JamesCrawley25) December 30, 2017
15.
I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter’s forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 10, 2015
16.
"I'm just never gonna stop crying, ok?"
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) June 21, 2016
-my 2 week old son
17.
Parenting a newborn:
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 24, 2015
30% feeding
50% changing diapers
20% worrying
80% becoming so sleep deprived that you forget how to do basic math
18.
Me: you gotta stop pandering to him like that
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) June 12, 2016
Wife [breastfeeding our newborn son]: I'm feeding him
Me: sure, feeding his ego
19.
911: what's your emergency?
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 25, 2015
2 month old: my mom just sat down.
20.
I hate when people ask if my newborn is a "good baby" and I have to tell them that he cries a lot and about how he keeps robbing banks
— Ash (an female) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) May 12, 2017
21.
I just ate 2 complete bagels and I'm still starving because breastfeeding has made me a bottomless pit.
— Ashley Winter MD || Urologist (@AshleyGWinter) May 5, 2023
22.
google, why does my baby fart like an adult man
— Genevieve (@gankstrr) October 19, 2021
23.
Before becoming a father of a newborn child, I never anticipated being so proud of a tiny human’s burps that I’d want to brag about them to the world. But our baby’s burps are ON POINT. #fatherhood
— Anthony Rapp on Mastodon @albinokid@nerdculture.de (@albinokid) December 7, 2022
24.
Person: What's that on your shoulder?
— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) March 5, 2019
Me: Hmm? Oh...that's baby sick.
Person: Do you want to go change?
Me: I literally don't own enough clothes to get changed every time I get thrown up on.
Person: ...
Me: I am one with the vomit now.#parenting #dadlife
25.
"Daddy, may I trouble you to clean a shocking amount of poo off my genitalia?" - if babies could talk
— Rob Delaney (@robdelaney) August 27, 2012
26.
Why do we say 'sleep like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours, mad as hell? I want to sleep like a cat.
— Philip Brunner (@philipbrunner) May 5, 2023
27.
You can't really get mad at your newborn baby for screaming for an hour straight when he's basically just voicing your inner monologue.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 28, 2016