George R.R. Martin is very good at leaving fans hanging. He’s done it for years ― nearly eight, in fact ― as readers continue to await the sixth installment of his Song of Ice and Fire series, which begat the HBO hit “Game of Thrones.”
Annoyingly, the writers behind the beloved TV show are also fairly good at leaving stories untold ― and one in particular continues to haunt us.
At least twice in the series so far, Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) has started a joke only to be cut off just before he could finish it. The first time, he was speaking to Lysa Arryn (Kate Dickie) in Season 1 as he sarcastically ticked off the “crimes” he’d committed in his life. The second time, in Season 6, Tyrion was attempting to teach Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel) and Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) to appreciate comedy while the trio waited for news in Meereen.
But now that the series is finally coming to an end ― with just six episodes left ― we worried that we’d never get to hear how the joke really goes.
“I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam says―”
Says what?
We asked some comedians to fill in the punchline.
I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam says, “Hey, you can’t bring that in here.”
I said, “Please, it’s a gift.”
She said, “I meant the jackass.”
I said, “So did I. It’s his birthday.”
Then, I added, “Seriously, whatever else happens in the finale, can Sansa please just get a happy ending? I mean, come ON.”
I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam says, “Sorry, only one Lannister at a time.”
I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam says, “Is that hexagonal prismatic wax cells built by honey bees and a donkey or are you just happy to see me?”
And then I said, “Can I use your sink? My ass is sticky.”
I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam says, “What’s with these things, are they gifts?”
And so I say, “Indeed! I’m told I’m a bitter little man so I bring you a sweet ass in my hands to distract you from the long snake between my pants.”
I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam says, “Is it Tuesday already?”
I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam says, “Sweet ride.”
I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam says, “Tyrion, I don’t care what kind of lube you brought, I won’t do it!”
I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam says, “Oh honey, I’m down for role play but this seems like a sticky situation.”
I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam says, “You must be drinking Honey Jack.”
I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam says, “What’s with the donkey?”
I said, “I just wanted a sweet piece of ass that wouldn’t talk back. I named him Hodor.”
I once walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam says, “Do you watch ‘Game of Thrones’?”
The jackass says, “No, I don’t watch much TV.”
The madam says, “I’m sorry, but who are you?”
And the jackass says, “I guess you don’t watch much TV either. I’m Johnny Knoxville!”
“Game of Thrones” Season 8 premieres Sunday, April 14, at 9 p.m. ET on HBO.